Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"Two all-C4 patties, special wiring, nails, shards, rat poison, batteries, all on a martyr bomb belt." - Laurence Simon
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Kevin McGehee:
"No, I do not want fries with that!"
"Are you grinnin' at me? Are you grinnin' at me? I don't see anybody else here so you must be grinnin' at me."
"You think you can just waltz over here into our neighborhood and we'll just look the other way? This is Burger King territory, clown, and don't you forget it!"
"Super-size this!"
That's the last time Ronald will ever snicker at the size of a man's gun.
Laura Lowe:
Sorry but the auditions for Hamburgler took place yesterday.
BArmor:
"Supersize this!"
"Would you like buckshot with that?"
Ronald McDonald's Last Stand.
Read my blog or the clown gets it.
Francis W. Poretto:
"I said NO MAYO!!" [Ed. - "Lighten up, Francis."]
Rodney Dill:
Fortunately for John Kerry, Alex Polier's vision was not quite 20/20.
"Want that supersized, Clown-boy?"
The McDonald's Corporation discovered, too late, that former Abu Ghraib guards just weren't McDonald's employee material.
Dorkafork:
"Robblerobblerobble!"
The McDonald's Players perform their adaptation of "A Fish Called Wanda": "Tell you what, I'll hold up one hand. Which one do you want? This one? This one?"
The McDonald's Players perform their adaptation of "Pulp Fiction": "Do you believe in magic?" "What?" "Magic, McFucker! Do...you...believe in it?!"
The Wendy's goon squad about to make Ronald sleep with the Filet O'Fishes.
An offer he can't refuse: "Either your brains or your ketchup is going to be on that hamburger."
"We are the Grimace Liberation Front. Our demands: release the Fry Guys immediately, and have Birdie waiting at the airport with a fully fueled plane."
"I am not loving it."
Laurence Simon:
"Would you like 72 virgins with that?"
"You deserve a martyrdom today."
"If you think this is bad, Grimmace is with the Mossad."
Sean Martin:
Attempting to heal the emotional scars from his 5th birthday party.
What's so funny laughing boy!?!
ST Lucas:
Shouldn't you be holding a younger clown? Male, about seven years old, speaks Spanish, was saved by dolphins. No?
Lisa Wood:
MacBitchSlap!
Realizing a marketing blunder, MacDonald's recalls all of the Fahrenheit 9/11 promotional toys after several were used to terrorize customers.
Charles Austin:
Super Size Me II - Spurlock's Revenge
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
Weekly World News Exclusive: Actual photograph of Dennis Kucinich's delegate! - Kevin McGehee
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Michael King:
"If I put my arms down, it'll tear!"
Spoons:
Sponge Bob Lard Pants.
Charles Austin:
Spongizzle Squarepizzle. That ought to put an end to that.
And they're absorbent too!
Jeebus, it's got two teeth.
"My crusty what?"
Rodney Dill:
Top Ten Stupid Things heard by Molene.
10. "That must be a really big pineapple, huh?"
9. "Are we ready for our sponge bath?"
8. "Mo' lean? You're kidding me, right?"
7. "Looks like you took all the square right out of them pants."
6. "Care to sit down?"
5. "That come in a size 3?"
4. "Is Sponge Bob permanent pressed?"
3. "When you're smilin'....keep on smilin'
The whole world smiles with you."
2. "No Johnny, just because Sponge Bob is smiling doesn't mean he wants a hug and a kiss."
And the number one Stupid thing heard by Molene.
1. "You want fries with that?"
John Kerry's campaign has been very grateful that the Abu Ghraib incident has taken
attention away from the "it's whuppin' time waffle boy" intern affair.
AP BREAKING - John Kerry is recuperating today at an undisclosed Washington, D.C.
location. A source close to the Kerry campaign stated: "John was just lucky to
get his hand back, let alone his cigar."
The weeks since the airing of the show "The Apprentice" had not been kind to
Omarosa.
"No, really its just the same thing that Jimmy Kimmel had."
"I always envisioned that Sponge Bob lived south of the Equator, but I never imagined that he was right on the Prime Meridian."
"Hey look, Sponge Bob has a tooth gap, just like David Letterman."
Kevin McGehee:
Spongebarb Hugepants!
"What'chu talkin' 'bout, Squidward?"
"Don't look now, but I think your two-year-old has gotten into the Miracle-Gro."
Russ Emerson:
Not content with the effects of Spandex, Louise adopts a new tactic in her neverending struggle against men. Mwahahahaha!!!
I am not just a pretty face!
"With a rebel yell, she cried more, more, more." Everyone else, however, merely cried.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Who'd like to shoot me in the head to get this horror out of my mind?
Spongebob, you suck.
aK:
"I know you di'nt"
Sean Martin:
Sponge Bob Round Pants
Did Somebody Say Pajama Party?
Haaaappy Biiiiirthdaaay.... Mi-ster Daaaschle.... Hey! Get your ass back here - I'm not done!!
When it comes to call-girls, you get what you pay for.
Spying the cookies, she prepared to charge.
the tinge:
She wore a itsy bitsy yellow poka dott bikini... and she shouldnt have.
Tully:
"Does this colour make me look fat?"
A sponge was never meant to absorb that!
Yellow's not your colour? That's the least of your worries, girl!
Jesus is coming and that's what you're wearing?
Eeeeeerrrrrrrrrrp pop
Don't bend over now!
Act your age. Dress your dress size.
Sponge Bob seconds before explosion. Over-absorbtion's a bitch!
Will Vehrs:
Each person celebrated the anniversary of Brown v. Board in his or her own way.
Paramount began using torture long before the invasion of Iraq.
Suddenly, Keisha realized she was in a cult.
Dancing in bathroom slippers was a big change after her training at the Bolshoi.
Faustine was downcast after hearing reports of Bill Cosby's speech. Was he dissing her dreams of becoming a doctor?
Michael Reed:
Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
Mike Reed
"Bunker Mulligan"
Rick:
Exhibit A in the case of "The Laws of Physics vs. Sponge Bob Square Pants".
Joey:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
You can lead a horse to water, but you should never let him drive. - Sean Martin
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
David Smith:
"Where are we?"
"I don't know, Senator Kennedy. All I can see is a horse's ass."
New car: $15,000
Ticket for speeding: $200
Using the Jaws of Life on a horse's ass: priceless
Unfortunately for Larry, he was not James Bond, he didn't drive an Aston Martin, and this was a horse trailer.
How Texans hitchhike.
BoK:
"I should have gone for the botox injections instead, just like John Kerry did."
Charles Austin:
"Oh, Wilbur!"
Rodney Dill:
Mr. Ed often enjoyed going for long drives, but he forgot that, being a horse he was color blind, this time with dire consequences as he failed to yield the right of way.
“Pardon my Dairy-air”
“I hate it when the veterinarian forgets to warm his instruments before shoves them up my ...”
“Oh, People hockey!”
“I thought I had the Right-of-Neigh.”
“Wi-l-l-l-b-u-r-r-r”
Mr. Ed always felt that he had Mustang aspirations, but a Pinto budget.
The Ford executives knew that they would once again blame the Firestone Tires for the rash of accidents and the Bronco’s reputation would escape unscathed.
“Yippee Kiyay, Mo Fo”
It is not known what the horses thought, but the two large men it took to pull Senator Clinton's head out of Buttercup's posterior were not amused.
aK:
PETA outraged as actor Bruce Willis rushed to the hospital after accident on the set of Mr. Ed 2004, an action remake of the infamous television series staring a likable speaking horse.
The FCC is investigating reports of foul language used by the horse following the accident. David Sumner, lead grip notes, "I'm not surprised. The horse has been seen after hours entertaining the crew with Samuel L. Jackson impersonations." The studio has been contacted but refused to comment on the matter.
Vince Fettinger:
Back in the saddle again....
Laura Lowe:
Oh uh! Better get Meico.
Sean Martin:
I hate backseat drivers.
Wiiilbur!
Oh, that blind spot.
Never drive with blinders on.
Oh, you said use my "blinkers", not my "blinders."
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"They say when you're face to face with a gorgon you have to avoid making eye contact. -- Oh, hello, Mrs. Clinton!" - Kevin McGehee
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Gilly:
Damn! Mr. Ben-Venisti, I guess the best answer to your question would be a breath mint!
BoK:
My eyes. My eyes! Ohh! My eyes! I looked at John Kerry! Ohh, the pain. My eyes. My eyes!!
Charles Austin:
“Aw jeebus, Franken! When I said, ‘bite me!’ I didn’t mean literally.”
Rodney Dill:
"Darkness must go
Down the river of nights dreaming,
Flow morphia slow
Let the sun and light come streaming
Into my life.
Into my life."
In an outstanding tenor that belied his Texas heritage President Bush nailed the role of Riff Raff.
Josh Fielek:
"And then Deniro goes like this..."
"And the smell Bill left in the Oval Office restroom! You think he could manage a courtesy flush, but nooooooo..."
"Whoa, Spot! Your nose is cold!"
James Racicot:
"Heh heh. Gee Condi, you're right. I can see kind of a grey and black checkerboard pattern...."
Laura Lowe:
Oh, Saddam! I did not want to see that.
Kevin McGehee:
Two seconds later the entire Cabinet was blown into the Rose Garden. All that could be heard was Dr. Rice faintly saying, "Gesundheit."
"Ooh, pretzels! ... Uh-oh."
Sean Martin:
I wish my brother George was here.
Bush impersonating Kerry.
Bush impersonating Clinton during Monica-gate.
Bush attempts to see the world through "Liberal" eyes.
I want my pudding!
Philip Windsor:
I knew I should have listened to Clinton and not inhaled!!
Michael Nunnelley:
Nothing could have prepared the President for the shock of turning the page to reveal Mrs. May's photo in his First Ladies Bikini Calendar.
Doug McIntosh:
G.W. does his Mr. Magoo imitation to the glee of the $1000 a plate dinner guests at a fundraising dinner friday evening.
Tom Pollard:
"Goatse!"
Ron Thomas:
If John Kerry becomes President; he can give the State of the Union address and the Rebuttal!
B. Ketchem:
"This is how Democrats mark their ballots."
Will Vehrs:
Cheney was already out. As Bush began to snore, Hamilton and Kerrey saw their chance.
Andy Faris:
Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey aaaaand... Sneezy!
Jeffrey Harris:
...when Dick Cheney leaves the room.
Bruce Garrick:
Aaaah-chooooooooooo! Damn these allergies. I wish they would hurry up and develop that Pelosi antigen!
Troy Raffield:
Taking the recent Iraqi detainee debacle in stride, President Bush proudly reveals his foreign relations strategy to deal with the incriminating photographs. After about 30 seconds of awkward silence, journalist Sam Donaldson from ABC News dispelled the tension by asking, “But, Mr. President, what happens when you have to open your eyes again?”
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
Unfortunately for Frodo, Sauron's children continued to flourish in Newark, New Jersey and plotted for the day when they would return to vanquish Middle Earth. - Rodney Dill
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Slartibartfast:
"I only have eyes for youuuuuu…"
"Sorry, I think my contact lens fell down your blouse."
"It takes two of us to get any depth perception at all."
"Excuse me…what brand of mascara do you use?"
"I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles. Oh yeah."
Karen Adams:
Here's looking at you, kid....
The true price of cheap wedding champagne.
The eyes have it.
Charles Austin:
“You’re too shy, shy. Hush, hush, eye to eye.”
Eyeliens!
Ohmigod! Two one-eyed monsters!
REM sleep must be a bitch, huh?
Dodd, remember the eye-jeweller you blogged a few weeks ago? His ship just came in.
“It’s eyelementary, Watson.”
Anybody got a sharp stick handy?
Clams got eyes! And beards!
Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!! It’s Luis Buñuel with a katana! Run away!
Man with magnifying glass: “Hold still so I can take a closer look at you.”
Little girl: “Aye aye, sir.”
Man with flowers: “That’s not funny.”
Given the accuracy of muskets in the 18th century, if the British had had these guys instead of Hessians we might have lost the Revolutionary War!
The competition to replace Dan Rather is brutal.
As a matter of fact, we are both kings in the land of the blind. Why do you ask?
“I spy with my enormous f****** eye….”
“Thanks for the offer little girl, but this is a little too small to be my contact lens. We’ll keep looking.”
“We’ve been trying to get our eyes checked for months but no optometrist has an eye chart that is small enough.”
“We feel that “A Christmas Story” has one of the scariest premises we’ve ever seen in a movie.”
“Hold still while we look at you closely. We have to be careful because while conjunctivitis may be annoying to you it can be fatal for us.”
X-Men 3: The Patriot Act
The inspiration for the Who's, "I can see for miles and miles."
Hans and Franz frequently miss the forest for the trees.
"Hey little girl, wanna see me turn my eyelids inside out?"
"I have to use this magnifying glass until they locate that laser used in Goldfinger to perform my Lasix."
Teenage Mutant Ninja Eyeballs.
"Sure, I've won a few drinks reading Budweiser born on dates from across the room, but my depth perception sucks."
"What a poor strange creature Joe. She has such tiny eyes and she probably sees everything double."
"Ol' Blue Eye still has it."
Roses are red,
Irises are blue.
Too bad you can't see
My one purple shoe.
"Yes, technically it is a unibrow."
"Well, we cannot prove it, but there's a story in my family that my great, great-uncle Marsden was the inspiration to Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Tell-Tale Heart'."
Rodney Dill:
"Even though the three Fates had been blacklisted, the eyes went on to a lucrative career as body part doubles for CBS."
"I'll be keepin' and eye out for ya."
As the pair of eyes had fallen on hard times and had taken to a strongarm version of panhandling, the maneuver to avoid the two had become commonly known as Ocular degenerate, shun.
I only have eyes for you.
"Take us to your straight guys."
R.S. Smith:
We're keeping an eye on y'all!
The Bowers:
The French Health Minister said to his assistant, "Yes, I think you're right. I think it is a child. Quelle horeur! Issue a health warning! Oh, and bag it and bring it along. Mais ouis, tres carefully!
Laura Lowe:
The better to see you with my dear.
Kevin McGehee:
The private investigations firm of Winken, Blinken & Nod hold a press conference to announce their first case - although one member of the team dozed off before the reporters arrived.
Unsuccessful Mascots #4,123: CBS Evening News
"You've got the look!"
Sean Martin:
Patriot Act II
The Eyes have it.
Eye-spy with my giant freakin' eye....
Blink brothers
I only have eyes for you
Eye'll be watching you
How Santa really knows if you're naughty or nice
"Look into my eye, you're getting sleepy"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
