Sarah Gray:
Tori Murden's brother wanted to make his own mark in the world....

Charles Austin:
Will the Abbey Road ripoffs ever end?

Rodney Dill:
The new Hamas "secret leader" went to great lengths to hide his real identity.

Human sexuality: While medicine in the area of male penile enhancement has been deemed to be successful due largely to the introduction of Viagra, the medical sciences devoted to male tongue enhancement are still rather draconian.

Randy Short:
Even Steve had to admit that the bellman hazing had gotten out of control.

The obstacle course was going well, until the bus driver decided he couldn't wait any longer.

Kevin McGehee:
Gramps vowed to whale the living tar out of whichever brat substituted Crazy Glue for his Fix-o-Dent.

Out! Oh, demon of partisanship!

Alyx Parker:
"Mime politics"

Laura Lowe:
Come on everyone! Do the Macarana!

Will Vehrs:
The president tried with little success to dampen the crowd's loud guffaws and uncontrollable thigh slapping after showing them the Grace Slick Caption Contest entry.

Trevor Smith:
Now ease up boys! I know we all came to see the Condi Rice flag dance, and as soon as she's done with her testimony she'll be right out.

Charles Austin:
"... and John Kerry will pull you under
By the flips and flops of his checkered votes.
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down
Sit down you're rockin' the boat."

President Bush warms his hands over the bonfire of the vanities that is the 9/11 Commission.

Rodney Dill:
"Draw! Mo Fo!"

"She Bang...She Bang..."

Editor's Entry:
"It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
Put your hands on you hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the time warp again."

Pete Guither:
To counter growing criticism on foreign policy, the White House increased the height of the President's stage and added more flags.

"So then I said, 'Calm down, Dick. What's the most one towel-head in Afghanistan can do, anyway?'"

Kevin McGehee:
President Bush wows the crowd with his imitation of Rich Little.

"Karl, what's he doing? Shouldn't he be rehearsing his speech?"
"He said he's done enough rehearsing, now he wants to practice the macarena."

Bret Ryckmen:
"Please, no more questions until Dick gets here."

Francis W. Porretto:
"No, don't applaud. Just throw money. I'll accept it."

Ask your doctor if electronic suppositories are right for you.

uisgebaugh:
...you take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake up a liberal and you believe whatever you want to believe.

Charles Austin:
So what's it gonna be, a larger penis or larger breasts?

"When it comes to suppositories, we don't do nanotechnology."

Rodney Dill:
"Yes, Mr. Ashcroft, your PATRIOT ACT really does give me the authority to place these surveillance devices there."

"With these two new pill-shaped devices, the EMPE (Electronically Modulated Penile Enhancer) and the EMPR (Electronically Modulated Penile Reducer) prescriptions drugs, and consequently most related email SPAM, needed to address Erectile Dysfunction will be eliminated. In layman's terminology, One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small."

Alan Klietz:
"Announcing our new high-tech suppository!"

Wmyers:
'Scientists display the newly developed "Kerry Pill". The new pill is designed to be swallowed and scan the patient's intestinal area for any trace of 'guts'.'

Laura Lowe:
Viagra is for me!

AK:
You can have yours removed like I did.

They won't catch me now.

Gunner:
The new and improved suppositories need no inserting, they simply crawl in on their own.

JulieC:
John shows us what he means when he describes a candidate offering up real choice.

Kevin McGehee:
"Five... four... three... the bombs should be falling on Finland right about... now!"

"I am smiling!"

Francis W. Porretto:
You knew about this honkin' big flag and you went and bought the hot-pink curtains anyway??"

Rodney Dill:
At least my plot to kill Senators wasn't surveilled by the FBI. Oops, did I think that or say that?

"Rice or Potatoes,
Rice or Potatoes,
Rice or Potatoes...
Dammit. I wish Dubya would get some new jokes."

"Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul."

"Damn, my Janet Jackson pierced nipple sunburst hurts like a sumbitch."

Cooked Rice: Bring to a boil, then simmer for 20 minutes.

Sean Martin:
I see you baby.....shakin' that ass.

(Should I knee him in the groin first? Or start by gouging out his eyes? Decision, decisions...)

Hein:
"Mean purists!"

"Yuk, dinner at the White House tonight."

"I'll just hide behind this flag, they won't miss me."

"The first and only time I say no, and they get all over me."

"I hope they will not ask for my diary."

Mike:
"You want your nuts roasted or boiled?"

Charles Austin:
Watch Condi get her groove back.

Condi. Cloning. Faster please.

BArmor:
You are Condi's bitch. Go make Condi a sandwich, bitch.

Dwayne Warren:
"Let me repeat if for you one last time, Senator Martini-on the-Rocks: DO. NOT. F*CK. WITH. ME."

Will Vehrs:
Bastard set me up!

Her Final Four brackets a complete bust, Condi stewed in the corner.

Erinn Waggoner:
"What you talkin' 'bout 9/11 commission!?"

bithead:
"Damn it, I knew I Shouldn't have tried W's Chili"

Jeff Goldstein:
Oh no he did-int...!

aK:
Neo... You must go to the source.