Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
Edie began to regret her promise to get a new piercing every time John Kerry mentioned that he had served in Vietnam. - Will Vehrs
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Kevin McGehee:
We should count our blessings Michael Jackson's mugshot doesn't look like this.
And the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee -- after the 217th ballot -- is...
Hey, I dated her. And no, I don't want to talk about it.
Bret...?
Julian Shulman:
"See guys, I told you! You just have to push really hard. Now where's my five bucks?"
"Ya see doc, I had some celery in between my teeth and I HAD to get it out. So I shoved my pinky in my mouth and... well... it kinda got stuck."
"Someone get me a ring!!! Hurry it's going to close!!! Hurry!!!"
"What?! Michael's been arrested?! My poor baby!!!"
"Bhamputantonori! Come here and fix mama's ring! Yea that's right the orange one. Don't wanna be lookin like a freak in front of your grandma now."
"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Did I just fart?"
Mo:
Susan show the media how she came to be invited to the Whitehouse every Saturday night from January 1993 through January 2000.
KFC is trying out a new version of it's "Finger Lickin' Good" ad campaign.
Will Vehrs:
Judge Judy would later say that Edie's demonstration of her defective tongue piercing was the most effective courtroom evidence she'd ever seen.
You had to get to the airport four hours early when travelling with Edie.
Edie's heavy make-up made her a counterculture version of Tammie Fay.
Pete Guither:
Why does it take women so long to get ready?
JulieC:
I've seen so many things I ain't never seen before; Don't know what it is, I don't want to see no more! Mama told me not to come
You'd think with makeup like that, the manicure would be more spectacular.
And for the more premium oral services, we have......
Matt Antoline:
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christm-- Gah! What the hell is that?!?
Frank Gaines:
Nice ring - heirloom?
"Max":
Phyllis Diller's recent attempts to attract the 18-25 age group have been a cataclysmic failure.
Laura Lowe:
I've been stuck this way for 6 months.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
He's awfully big to be Woody Allen, but then again.... - Karen Adams
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Matthew Stinson:
As part of Monty Python's Asian reunion tour, a giant animatronic sperm will lead stadium audiences in a multilingual rendition of the classic Python song, "Every Sperm is Sacred."
Altogether now:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Dave Gamble:
Brian soon started having second thoughts about enrolling in Sperm Mime School.
Hey you guys! Go Back! It's a trap!
Lyn:
I think my mom really went overboard in trying to protect me from the environment.
Charles Austin:
"Help! I'm floating and I can't get it up."
Hey, is that Allen in that woody?
"... and remember to keep your hands and feet inside the condom at all times..."
"The latest in Penthouse condominiums."
The Durex condom is a poor imitation of the Trojan horse.
As Paul Simon once sang, "... the boy in the bubble and the baby with the babbling heart, I believe these are the days of miracle and wonder..."
As Michael Hutchence once sang, "...makes you wonder how the other half dies..."
Man, that dude's f*cked.
Oh great, now I've got this to look forward to when I go to Japan tomorrow.
Abstinence doesn't seem quite so bad now.
Willie gasped when he saw the giant diaphragm on the rooftop of the adjacent building.
I think the aspect ratio is a little out of whack -- no pun intended. Well, I guess it was really.
The One Tower.
"I call him mini-me."
I think the whole question of when life begins just got a lot more difficult.
Jeez, how'd you like to come across a used one of those on the curb when you're out walking the dog?
Cover art for the new band 10,000 CC.
Hey Blaine, give it a rest, ok?
As Jethro Tull never sang, "...your sperms in the gutter, your love's demolishing Tokyo..."
As the Drifters once sang, "When this old world starts getting me down, I go up where the air is fresh and clean -- up on the roof."
A look forward 80 years into the future when the nanny state has become ubiquitous and omnipresent.
Remember, it only takes one.
The new and improved Durex Body Condom (TM) for those long weekends in Bangkok.
As the Fifth Dimension once sang, "Would you like to fly in my beautiful balloon?"
"I bet you're wishing you'd taken the blue pill now, aren't you Neo?"
Karen Adams:
Welcome to Japan: Further proof that when you put that many people in a tiny island, weird shit comes out.
Who's the size queen?
John Thorpe:
Bubble Boy rethinks his recent endorsement deal.
Matt Drachenberg:
Yet another convert to Catholicism.
When mime sperm go bad.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"Man, they are really gonna wonder what was flying around when they see that on the hood of their car!" - leper messiah
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Brent:
AP - An elite and highly secretive squad of VRWC soldiers were caught on camera rescuing sexually abused dogs from Professor Pete Singer's Townhouse.
Fred Boness:
Can't we stop when we walk the dogs?
Pete Guither:
"OK, the high school is just ahead. Draw your weapons, and remember to release the marijuana sniffing dogs first."
Law enforcement officers pay a surprise visit to Stratford High School for a lesson on civil liberties.
Kurt Preston:
Cry Havoc! And let slip the dogs of war!
Pilot: Roger that, Jumpmaster, you are clear to disembark the combat team.
Co-Pilot: Sir! We're still 5000 meters above the LZ!
Pilot: Yeah, well... they're blind aren't they. They won't know the difference.
Combat Lawyers?
The routine hazards of taking dogs along with you on a flight... you have to let them out to go pee.
The Elite Combat Drug Patrol prepares to land in a hostile LZ: The National Rock the Vote Concert.
Deer Hunts are getting very sophisticated in Kentucky these days.
Gimba Gordon:
Hanging Around Hearing The Chop Chop Copters Whirling Around Beside Us ! Arf , Arf , Arf , Arf !
Cousin Dave:
Premiering Friday: the Animal Planet version of Fear Factor!
Shana Martin:
"Fluffy really wanted to eat that juicy steak on the table, but then he remembered what happened to Buddy and Max..."
Sean Martin:
The Army tries a new strategy for marking their territory.
Tired of actually walking the dogs....
If this is how you treat "Man's best friend" I'd rather be cat!
Is that a rabbit?
drew:
"Suddenly, senator, I'm of the opinion that the DEA really doesn't need an Airborne Division."
Laura Lowe:
I always knew I would be hung like a bog dog.
leper messiah:
"Y'see, rookie, this is how we walk our dogs in the Special Forces!"
"Introducing the National Council for the Blind's Rapid Reaction Force!"
"Look out below!"
"You two never participate in 'Bring Your Dog to Work Day'..."
Matt Antoline:
Whop whop whop whop "So Santa says to me..." whop whop whop whop "sure! We'll go to Daylight Ops..." whop whop whop whop "but you'll hafta secure the perimeter!"
And who could forget that Christmas when Timmy asked for the Hostage Rescue Team?
I've heard of equal opportunity, but blind Rangers are ridiculous.
Oh, that is the cutest crib toy! A little gender-specific, to be sure, but adorable!
Goin' walkies with the Air Cav.
"Ruh-roh"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
Can you find the nine candidates for the Democratic nomination for President? - Daniel Aronstein
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Chris Brogley:
No no no...! These are all clones. snow white had nothing to do with 'em at all.
James:
"Dammit, John, I told you to go to the store and pick up three dozen rolls!"
W Myers:
At a scheduled press conference, undercover FBI agents show the results of their recent sting operation against the infamous "Gnome Mafia".
Charles Austin:
"Hey, how'd those two get in here?"
Inside Little Green Football's comment sections...
"This is the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather reporting. Looking ahead to the hopefuls for the 2008 Democrat presidential nomination...."
New to the Dean campaign, Steve and Jim misunderstood the intent of "Securing the vote of the little people." The hostages were all released the next day.
"Hey, I'm a leprechaun you morons. I don't belong in here."
"Hey, you in front. There is no smoking allowed inside any public building in California."
To Gno me is to love me.
"I understood there was to be punch and pie?"
Vandals struck dozens of gardens across the city left unprotected last night as the Garden Gnomes Local 147 wildcat strike entered its eighth day.
Tonight on Fox: When Gnomes Attack!
"So last night, this guy said he was going to kick my ass. I laughed and said, 'You and what army'. Then when I opened the door to my office this morning..."
"Quiet please. I call this meeting of the L.A. Times editorial board to order."
"Look, you can call Chomsky whatever you want. But when you throw pointy-headed into it, it just hits the rest of us gnomes a little too close to home."
"I am Spartacus."
Finding Gnemo (Give me a break, I'm dyslexic)
"Wake up the gimp."
Nick and Bob secretly led the Greater New Jersey chapter of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front.
Hey, is that Heather Havrilesky?
This is a still photo from our undercover mole just seconds before the agents from Gnome Protective Services broke through the door.
Julie C:
Guess the shrink-ray still needs a little work before we show it to the State Department
Tom Ridge's newest plan for the War on Terrorism
Oh man are we in trouble. Mama is not going to like this
bin Laden may be a master of disguise but he'll be no match for us here
Do you remember which one was Rumsfeld?
Jeffrey Harris:
"Say it with me...'Gnome-man's Land'..."
Laura Lowe:
I really find your preoccupation with little men disturbing. [Ed. - This was an entry, right? :-)]
William Peak:
Fairyland swamped after Snow White confesses a preference for the short guys.
Daryl Parker:
The Princes were very unhappy when they discovered exactly what the dwarves were up to during Snow White's slumber...
Meet the dwarves' newest members: Surly and Fashion Challenged
Chris O'Donnell:
Yet another jam packed meeting of the Dean for President committee.
Daniel Aronstein:
A recent meeting of democratic undergound.
Allen Cunniff:
"Unfortunately, only half of the Democratic candidates could be present for this debate."
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry: TIE !!
Feeding time - again. - Sean Martin
What a freak! Lookit those tiny ears! - Matt Antoline
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Michael T.:
Horny Tampa Bay fans like to give as well as receive.....
Parkway Rest Stop:
Ever since the unfortunate accident with the rhinoceros, Evan has been unable to close his mouth.
Mark Pierce:
I never forget a face, but... rats, I can't remember. Let me put my "memory hat" on... That's better. Now I remember. I never forget a face, but in my case I'll make an exception. (With apologies to Groucho Marx.)
Charles Austin:
"I am not a man, I am an animal!"
"Oh look, it's an oliphant."
Chicks dig horny guys.
Ricky was just informed that Tampa Bay has no first or second round draft choices next year either.
I wonder if O.J. has looked in Tampa Bay yet.
Indymedia: The roar of reason.
Perhaps we should revisit the whole "Why do the hate us?" meme.
Sean Martin:
As he takes his seat, he remembers where he left his other hat.
Try as he might, he just couldn't projectile vomit on demand.
At the proctologist's office.
Kurt Preston:
Me so Horny, Baby!
From the look on this guy's face, Peyton Manning must have just entered the stadium.
The fans react to the news that Malcolm Glazer has hired Bill Calahan as offensive coordinator.
The essential difference between Raider-fan and Buc-fan. No self-respecting Raider fan puts Bengal war paint on.
Rhinoplasty?
It looks like he just sat on his other horn.
Rik Schabert:
By the look on his face, I'd hate to see what's coming out the other end.
Chris Cotner:
So, that's what Warren Sapp has had up his ass the last few weeks.
Matt Antoline:
Yup, this is just the kinda guy who would buy half-priced Vikings merchandise.
Joey Blabaum:
I can't believe I'm going home alone AGAIN tonite.
Pete Guither:
Keith knows that it's not the Tampa Bay Rhinos, yet the hat helps him get "up" for the game in a way the Buccaneers (or his social life) have never quite achieved.
The Watcher:
"Scientists have discovered that toxins in deep-fried cheese curds may cause a form of mental illness."
Kevin McGehee:
I was so ugly/The doctor slapped my mother when I was born/Then he took out his pocket knife and cut off my horn...(But it grew back)
Just what the feminists feared the space program would lead to -- Klingon construction workers harassing women passersby.
"What do you mean I can't wear this on the plane?"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
