Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry: TIE!
"You must be this tall to get on this ride." - The Watcher
New spokesman for Buick talks up the benefits of airbags. - Daryl Parker
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Merlin:
Ah-Nuld, I voted for you! Grope me!"
"Save The Whales! Harpoon silicon tits!"
Marrob:
"Whaddya mean I don't know animals? I hand raised these puppies."
Bruce Henderson:
Pamela Anderson held court with the paparazzi on the set between takes after being made up for her big delivery scene of Aliens: the Twins.
Pamela Anderson, hosting the annual Dart Throwing Nationals, had to remind several contestants that the target was in the other direction.
The former baywatch star demonstrated the tremor in her right hand which she states prompted her to have her implants removed once and for all.
Citing several examples in Hollywood, Michael Moore says Americans should feel responsible not only for the destruction of the rainforests, but also for the total depletion of Silicone Valley.
Denying she had obtained larger implants, Pamela demonstrated the simple pectoral exercises she uses, saying, "Every girl should know about these!".
Rick Greene:
It's Pamela Anderson singing her version of the Bob Hope classic "Thanks for the Mammaries."
Michael T.:
"Yes, this was my fourth breast reduction surgery. And, Mr. Stephanopoulos, please look at my face when you are questioning me! Thanks. Next question!"
Kevin Murphy:
The hair, fake. The nose, fake. The lips, fake. The eyelashes, fake. The eyebrows, fake. The chin, fake. The nails, fake. The breasts go without saying.
Pam illustrates the all important concept of the cantelever in a couple of different ways.
The sad thing is, she used to be naturally gorgeous. After all of her surgical improvements, she's grotesque yet oddly compelling.
"I have enormous boobies, and I'm not afraid to use them."
"I don't need no stinking bra; mine are permanently lifted and separated."
"See, my hands can jiggle, but not my breasts."
"I give you: boobs as big as my head!"
"Why doesn't anybody take me seriously as an actress?"
The picture that launched a thousand teenage boys into the study of static cling.
A perfect illustration of the principle "sell the cleavage, not the forehead."
The last, best hope for a Democratic presidential victory in 2004.
Green Beret:
"They are as real as my hand!"
Parkway Rest Stop:
Pamela Anderson holds in her hand a life-sized model of her brain to demonstrate how it compares to the size of her right knocker.
Kurt Preston:
Pamela Anderson, fired by Disney for an appearance as cheesecake in a TMQ article, is reduced to accepting a temporary gig in an Ipse Dixit caption contest.
Pam Anderson, an ex-Dungeons and Dragons junkie, demonstrates the Quivering Palm spell to adoring teenage geeks.
MO:
Pam shows off her Hepatitis C Cups (Note: She just announced today her condition - tasteless, of course)
Pam sings the Alphabet - A, B, C, DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Daryl Parker:
Pamela Anderson proves her support for PETA's message by re-marrying Tommy Lee....
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
My bad. When Gozer was ready to take shape to end the world, Dr. Raymond Stantz (Dan Ackroyd) thought of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. When faced with the end of the world as manifested by any of The Nine becoming president, I thought of them as a bunch of Smurfs. - Charles Austin
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Chris O'Donnell:
Before crowd surfing, there was crowd smurfing.
Julie C:
There's just no audience for The Smurf Boy does Betty Boop!
Little Smurf just knows he's gonna get in trouble for laying down on the job.
'And yes, my friends, deflated is a good way to describe my political aspirations.' - Gray Davis
Matt Drachenberg:
The terrifying face of Islamosmurfism.
Papa Smurf is pleasantly surprised to find himself at a taping of Girls Gone Wild....
Order your inflatable Smurf now! Complete with Reservoir Tip!
David Mann:
"Look! Up on that grassy knoll!"
ez-cure:
A Smurf's Wet Dream: Doing Bart Simpson in front of thousands of people....
Melissa:
"I thought smurfs were supposed to be 3 apples high...."
The Yeti:
Will you people get off your smurfs and inflate my Mr. Happy Smurf? I've been ready to do this for an hour!
Charles Austin:
I swear I saw that blue guy last night at 2:30 AM just off of Bourbon Street.
General Wesley Smurf really is full of hot air.
Laura Lowe:
"I knew I should have laid off those magic mushrooms."
Michael Van Winkle:
“After much anticipation Ghostbusters 3 is due out in November.”
“UC Berkley holds first annual Against Capitalist Idiots Day (A.C.I.D.) amid calls for an end to ‘stupid politico-socio-cultural domination and prohibition of... um... ontological possibilities for equitable transmutation of and human agency and cultural norms and stuff... its just stupid man’. After changing the world, the participants plan to just trip-out for a while at the massive smurf.“
HEADLINE: “Handy-Smurf caught making out with Sponge Bob Square Pants; Cartoon World is shocked”
Matt Antoline:
La la la-la-la-la BWU-HA-HA-HA!
Looks like the G-rated alternate ending to Akira.
Steven Gigl:
Breaking News: Honey-Nut Cheerios Bee charges Smurf with sexual assault. "I don't know which one it was, but he sure [smurfed] me!" says horrified bee.
TPB, Esq.:
"The Thanksgiving Day Parade, as done by Mapplethorpe."
"Humpy Smurf, one of the lesser-known cartoon characters 'coming out' for this year's parade...."
Kevin Murphy:
"Shut up, little people! Can't you see I'm trying to get some sleep!"
"Excuse me, but what does a giant inflatable smurf have to do to get a drink around here?"
"Feed me!"
Professor Szalinski discovers a slight flaw in his new enlarging ray - not only does it enlarge, but it changes you into a smurf.
"Move over, King Kong, there's a new giant on the block. Now I just have to find me a gorgeous blonde who screams a lot."
"Take a picture, it will last longer. You all act like you've never seen a giant inflatable smurf before."
Penis enlargement creams can have unwanted side affects.
Kevin immediately regretted inflating his giant smurf love honey in such a public location.
One of the few looks Madonna rejected remaking herself into during her career.
"Is that a giant smurf in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
Oakland Raiders coach Bill Calahan's night out before the Bears game... at least it would explain the playcalling. - Kurt Preston
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Sean Martin:
This peep show sucks.
An interview with the Democratic Candidates.
Uh - guys? They can still bite my head. ... They can still bite my head! The can still bite mt head!!!
Matt Antoline:
Come see the octopus at Bob Cousteau's Undersea World for Hydrophobes....
"Oh yeah, Mr.-Brain-That-Wouldn't-Die? Round two!"
"Don't think mouse. Don't think mouse. Don't think mouse."
"Whaddaya mean, 'safety recall'?"
Kurt Preston:
Here at the Democratic National Committee Research Labs one of our members is undergoing aversion therapy after spontaneously experiencing a conservative thought.
Bruce Henderson:
The 'snake and bake' platter was popular at the Dahlmer home.
Daryl Parker:
PETA strikes back...
Notre Dame University Experimental Studies Department.
This is what I call a gnarly headband, dude....
This is what happens when you put your head through strange places....
Kevin McGehee:
Welcome to the Carville Family Reunion.
Dave:
Snakes! Why'd it have to be snakes!?!
MO:
Gray Davis visits with his relatives.
A reporter attempts to interview the leading Democratic presidential contenders.
Hey, has anyone seen Gray Davis?
A reporter attempts to interview James Carville and other Clintonistas.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
All asshat, no cattle. - Charles Austin
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Pete Guither:
"I like it, but it doesn't quite fit. Have you got an 11-gallon hat?"
Marrob:
It's fun to stay at the Y - M - C - A!
Bruce Henderson:
"Adios, numero uno!"
Daryl Parker:
In Texas, all you need is a 10 gallon hat and a female impersonator to win...
To vote: just dial 1800 - SLACKJAW.
Laura Lowe:
Its Bill Clinton in disguise with the newest White House intern.
Michael Preedin:
"Frau Gretchen, I'm no dummy! I already know the long-standing tradition of wearing Bavarian hats to Oktoberfest. Let's go."
Steve Melancon:
"Todo sombrero y no vacas"?
Charles Austin:
"You buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup? Oh, but it looks good on you Howard."
Well, if this whole running for president thing doesn't work out, Howard Dean can always try to take Martin Short's role in the Three Amigos sequel.
Karl Rove strikes again.
"That's right, you're not from Texas." -- Lyle Lovett*
Sean Martin:
Of course, the good guy wears a white hat.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
* Submitter's addendum:
In fact, Lyle Lovett wrote a song that kind of captures this whole Urban Cowboy sort of situation:
Cowboy Man (Lyle Lovett)
She wore glass slippers
She held her head up high
She had that sparkle at her feet
And that twinkle in her eye
She smiled at me
And I wondered why
She said I'm looking for a cowboy
To take me for a ride
And he can rope me on the prarie
And he can ride me on the plain
And I will be his Cinderalla
If he'll be my cowboy man
She said I've got a 40-gallon stetson hat
With a 38-foot brim
We could dance around the outside baby
'Til we both fall in
And you can rope me on the prarie
And you can ride me on the plain
And I will be your Cinderalla
If you'll be my cowboy man
Now I ain't never been no cowboy
But heaven knows I try
'Cause I'll be riding tall in my saddle
With that Cinderalla by my side
And I can rope her on the prarie
And I can ride her on the plain
And she will be me my Cinderalla
If I'll be her cowboy man
