Yes, the electoral college IS a very confusing concept.

You mean, I really DID invent the Internet?!?!

And then we'll sing: "If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss (that's where it is). Oh oh, it's in his kiss (that's where it is)."

Oh my god, it's that fuzzy math again!

Al, when you wake up your joints will be limber again

"Same as it ever was..."

"It didn't work Dr. Smith. Can we try that 'Heal!' thing one more time?"

Al Gore's road to Damascus moment, where he realized the terrible errors of his ways, came in a Ramada Inn hallway just before another fund raising event.

Who knew the real inspiration for "Earth in the Balance" was Al Gore having a little too much wine one night?

Terry McAuliffe's hypnotic tricks work much, much better on the less intelligent.

"It can be a little disconcerting when you first come out of your pod 'Mr. Gore', but you'll get the hang of it soon enough."

Tonight of FOX: Stupid Gore Tricks!

"Can't any of you see that giant rabbit who's calling himself Harvey?"

"May I introduce the Gore's, Tipper and tipsy."

(Hollies music....) 'He IS heavy....and he's NOT my brotha."

Pre-Dem Convention...hypnosis experts could only elicit a clumsy kiss on the cheek in their first attempt to extract a genuine emotion from the VP.

Senator Gore was overcome by the sheer enormity of his vision as the Concept of the Internet first came to him.

After his concession speech, V.P. Gore suddenly realized what his teleprompter had said.

Mary Carey's attempt to distract Gary Coleman from running -- at least, for governor of California -- nearly succeeds.

"Well, all I can say is this recall campaign's either gonna be a boob or a bust...Sorry! I mean..."

The Boob and The Cube get together for an appearance on the Toob.

"Maybe it's not so bad I'm short..."

"My gubernatorial platform will be about two feet high, but for right now I'm enjoying the view from down here."

wonder if she'd date a black man?

More than a mouthful is wasteful.

It's sort of a Jaws-Dolly-Moonraker scenario in reverse.

"I wish they all could be California girls."

"I'm sorry Mary, but my left shoulder is getting awfully tired. Can we switch sides?"

"I call him Mini-meat."

Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

During their joint California recall announcement, Mary Carey, the naughty French-looking Hollywood porn star, who by the way served the troops returning from Vietnam, smiled broadly while Gary Coleman acted quickly to cover his embarrassing wet spot.

"I feel like $10."

Look at the pretty balloons!

There's a dumb blonde joke desperately struggling to get out somewhere in this picture.

"That's twenty for the picture Gary. Next!"

"I'm gonna be producing Gigli II. Let's do lunch."

"My campaign slogan is 'Mary Does California.' Thanks for coming everybody!"

Further empirical evidence that large breasts exert a strong gravitational pull on the eyes of men.

Always the ham, all Gary could think about, despite the distractions, was how he could get his hands on the microphone.

Gary has big plans marketing his "Miracle Midget" bra support system.

"No, you don't automatically get an intern, Arnold..."

"Forget the NRA, in these parts you'll be too busy avoiding the knives...."

"Ha ha!!" ...(thinking: "what the heck is this guy talking about?")

"Remember when I said I would punch you last? I lied."

"So, you're in? Cool. A two-man tag-team steel cage match on pay-per-view -- you and me against Gray and Cruz. This is gonna be great!"

"I can't wait to knock heads at the next Governor's convention."

"I told you what I'd do if you ever tried to steal my Mr. Freeze look again."

"I'm gonna knock your block off!"

"Where's Busey? I'm gonna kick his ass."

One of these men has been a real commando and a real governor. The funny thing is, people respect the other one more.

Bikini wax Jesse, I said bikini wax."

"A lizard-like loner leaving a path of destruction everywhere he goes? Yea, Gray Davis does give me a sense of deja vu."

"Are you ready to announce that we are gay? It's not like it will hurt you in California."

And all the gov'nors say I'm pretty fly for a white guy.

"We're ex-mean, ex-lean, ex-fighting machines!"

I mean, sure, I can see being the populace being ruled by big strong men like Jesse and Arnold. But not since about 1243 A.D.

"Vince McMahon called me today and asked me to let you know that he's available to work on your campaign."

"Hey, Arnold!"

"Hello, this is Ventura. Give the Justice Department, Entertainment Division."

"No, Arnold, when you shake the right hand, you squeeze the right hand! Now, let's try again. You'll be on the campaign trail soon."

"Yeah, you did deck him good, but I'm not sure that means you won the debate."

"No, I don't want you to 'pump me up'!!"

"No, Arnold, you don't get to call me a sissyboy, just because I have on a flower."

"Arnold, I'm not sure that's the best gesture to use for your confession about using Viagra.... Yeah , that one...."

"No, you can't use my head for 'one potato, two potato'."

"No man, I just said I had known Maria well for many years, not that I knew her!"

"Maybe I have been a little superstitious while campaigning, but carrying a lucky steroid pill still seems a little weird!"

"Are you Sarah Conner?"

"Arnold, if NBC asks you to do color commentary for football, make sure it's for the NFL."

"Pull my fist!"

"Easy there, big fella. You'll get more votes with honey than a punch."

Arnold and Jessie discuss the proper technique for dealing with the press.

The rejected applicants for last week's contest photo.

DC Comics quickly regretted their decision to okay a Superman movie to be made in Japan.

Coming soon to ESPN International: SUMO SOCCER!!!

Welcome to the Mao Tze Tung celebrity roast with your host, Larry Flynt!

The Mongol Whores.

"I understood there was to be punch and pie."

The average length of a Mongol hat is 6 inches, you say.

These guys certainly won't be playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" anytime soon.

"Please God, don't give me an woody!"

The line at the "X-Y-Z" table was always longest for picking up name tags for the Mongolian Pre-Renaissance Faire.

Speedos make the man.

"Look at that hat. You buy a hat like that, you get a free bowl of soup? Oh, it looks good on you though."

They're already lining up in Frisco to vote for Arnold.

The list of candidates running to be the next California Governor gets longer and longer.

Come on down to the all-you-can-eat Mongolian Thrill buffet!

"I am not an animal, I am a ..., a..., a..., help me out here."

The Reverend Moon held his first mass wedding of the gay variety last week..

News of the Boxer rebellion overshadowed that of the lesser known Brief rebellion.

"Turn your head and cough!....HA! I didn't say Simon sez!"

"Can you believe this crap......according to the new P.C. police, I would have to ask his permission before nuzzling up behind the guy in front of me!"

I'm going to complain, these new fake fur hats simply do NOT keep you warm enough!

The new Boy Scouts

Well, mean maybe.....but lean???

The cloning experiment suffered some problems attributed to the proximity of the lab to the hairless mice cages.

It looked like another busy day at the office the doctor known affectionately by his patients as the "Samurai liposuctionist".

Like so many American fads and styles, the Crips and Bloods style and the Davy Crockett hat lost something in the translation to Japanese culture.

There was a certain amount of poetic license taken at the reenactment of The Charge of the Light Brigade.

Surprisingly, plenty of women were willing to "run the gauntlet" at the Sleevehook convention.

Unfortunately, Harry Caray was not available to call the play-by-play.

They're with Busey.

"Your attention, please. Your attention, please. There has been some confusion over the uniform of the day. We are asking that everyone issued red sleeves should be wearing matching red briefs and everyone wearing blue sleeves should be wearing matching blue briefs. Please exchange briefs with your neighbor and we will be able to get started."

Because of a snafu with the manufacturer, no American flag pasties were available.

Due to a conflict in his schedule, Rev. V. Gene Robinson was unable to attend the Lalapabuddha concert.

As the only member with a mustache, Benjiro had to endure ritualistic hazing.

Rappers of Nanking.

Proof that Kramer's "manssiere" was an idea ahead of its time.

Wall Street analysts are panning the Benihana-Chippendale merger despite the eager interest of potential franchisees.

There was a remarkable homogeneity at the Far East Blogfest.

Rumors of a dangerous Japanese milita movement appear overblown.

Donald Rumsfeld (via Doonesbury): "Do I wish these guys were on our side? Of course, I do. Do I approve of their military gear? No, it leaves them dangerously exposed. Will we invite them to join the coalition? We could, if we waived don't ask, don't tell. Will we waive it? Sure we'll waive it, when hell freezes over."

Given the size of his survey group, Professor Tu Long expected to produce the definitive study on "shrinkage."

The producer of "Samurai Meets Samuri" insisted that every contestant's sexual orientation be the same.

Modern samurai culture emphasizes a different form of swordsmanship.

Asian medical authorities were stumped by the huge number of Asian men simultaneously suffering from athlete's foot, jock itch, and tennis elbow.

The Shriners' outreach program was a huge success as hundreds lined up to purchase the group's signature mini-cars.

Gay Asian couples lined up for miles to exchange wedding vows in the breakaway province of Sinmuchso.

Sure, it was demeaning to participate in a "meat market," but these men were desperate to attract a wife.

"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" was a box office smash in Tokyo.

Perhaps the most bizarre discovery in Iraq was the Manchurian mercenary "Weapons of Mass" program.

The John Wayne cult lined up to drink Kool-Aid and die with their boots on.

Hanes' product development team spent heavily on testing for the roll-out of their new briefs and shirtless-sleeve products, partially offset by a strategic alliance with Caiman Croc boots.

Monica Lewinsky's latest rope line.

DMV's new "customer casual" policy was a welcome relief during the tedium of long waits.

In a sign of increasing reality program consolidation, auditions for "Last Summo Wrestler Standing" and "Who Wants to Marry My Summo Wrestler?" were combined.

Generalissimo Bruce held a mandatory short arm inspection every morning.

Starving, jobless summo wrestlers line up for a shot being cast in "The Full Monzaburou."

Guess Victoria Secret is totally sold out of those now.

This is one weird looking human chess game.

One of these days these boots are gonna......

I didn't know that Weight Watcher's weigh-ins had such cultural flavor around the world!

What will happen when gay marriage is legal, as evidenced by this photo provided by John Ashcroft.

Myoshie was sure the white rope accessory would set him apart at the tryouts.

Anti-cloning activists fear the worst, according to this poster image.

The Patriot Act is one truly confusing piece of legislation.

I'm sure a caption about wrestling will win this contest.

The Tokyo Times: The Japanese Gay Wrestling Federation takes a breather during the Kintaro Festival Parade while the band ahead plays traditional Shinto music.

Japanese production firm holds tryouts for its own version of "Twelve Angry Men".

"Freeeeeeeeeedom"

"Is this the Ann Coulter line?"

"No, no, no! It's supposed to be red/blue red/blue red/blue."

"Alice, are you sure about this? I know that it's EuroDisney, but still!"