Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
I thought pop culture was done. Then they stuck a fork in it. - Drew Bullock
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Daryl Parker:
They cain't work for shit, but their undy clothes is real purdy!
After their contracts ran out, the Barbie twins fell on hard times....
Bruce Henderson:
“Come on girls, give to the camera....that's it ......allll your intelligence must show through your eyes....perfect!!!!!"
"Oh, damn, I forgot to undo the other overall strap"
"Well, dahling, if he's barking too much, there is a pitchfork we can use."
Charles Austin:
He was an Amish boy, she said see you later boy... [Ed. - Caitlyn Vehrs, age 8, says “You’re a copycat.”]
I see legions of traveling salesman descending on this farm...
I wanna be a cowboy...
How are you ever going to keep them boys up in the city after they've been down on the farm?
Flyover country isn't nearly as bad as those on the coasts think.
May one assume that the pig wrestling will start as soon as the ratings dip?
Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.
And on this farm he had some chicks, e-i-e-i-o.
With a chick, chick, here and a chick, chick. there.
Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick, chick.
Old MacDonald had a farm, e-i-e-i-o.
I think we've found a way to solve the rural depopulation problem.
Thank God I'm a country boy!
Drew Bullock:
This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Ever.
Augh! My eyes!
Brent Nyitray:
Unfortunately, Polymer records rejected Spinal Tap's first cover idea for their 12" single "Sex Farm Woman".
Yo Quiero this!
Laura Lowe:
"It’s just a shame we don't have any teeth."
Pete Guither:
“Honest, that's, like, how they wear them. Just hold that fork thingy and smile. Country music's gonna make us rich!"
Ami Nyitray:
4H launches new ad campaign targeting teenage boys in the hopes of increasing membership.
Hos with hoes....
Michael Lonie:
Denise was too shy to reveal her nipples had aureoles, since then everybody, and not just her hairdresser, would know she was a bleached blonde. [Ed. - Nice halo effect.]
So that's why they call them overalls.
Modern farming methods have dramatically increased agricultural productivity.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"I'm worried.... They say the new surrogates are programmed to like getting wet whether they are in the mood or not!" - Bruce Henderson
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Dodd (first time entry):
"Saucer of milk, Aisle 12!"
"I told you I wanted a 'Hello Kitty' vibrator, you idiot!"
Laura Lowe:
"There is nothing better than playing with your pussies."
Daryl Parker:
" At least our scene wasn't just a string of artificial pussy jokes...."
"It was only a sofa... Don't you think this is a little extreme?!?"
"The latest innovation from Japan - remote control pussy...."
JulieC:
"A calico Kerry fan reacts strongly to hearing a prediction that Dean will win Iowa, then New Hampshire"
"Analyze this!, you pink puss...."
"Tochiro, the beautiful striped kitty, seems concerned that her owners might now know what a low opinion she has of them"
"She can't believe that it's now possible that her male kitty friend might soon understand what she's talking about.... yet again, cats are a step ahead humans."
Kevin McGehee:
"Yeah, that's right! Morris ain't got game, and I'm gonna take that fat orange eunuch down, yo!"
Michael E. Naftolin:
You'll be feline fine when you use our new Pussy Detector.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"Quong happily anticipates the day when he's promoted to grenade catcher." - Kevin McGhee
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Laura Lowe:
"This wasn't in the job description...."
JulieC:
"Congrats" to the unseen Moshi, who just earned the 12th position in today's firing line.
Only shoot at the RED, my man.
Stop #12 on Nichi's Guided Mystery Tour is manned by his cousin every day.
David Cordes:
So how is this supposed to to get rid of George Bush?
No Shit, there I was kissing the commandant's daughter, when the old man walks in.
I'll give 20 bucks to the first guy that misses 1 meter low.
The ad said "Earn money in your spare time", they didn't mention the bullits.
My knees are getting stiff, I wonder what would happen if I stood on this
stool for a minute?
Sean Martin :
Just out of frame is the "bullet-catcher", possibly the worst job in the army, and the one with the most turnover.
This is the last time I criticize the general.
All said was "I want my MTV".
Maybe we could just lean this against the fence, or something? Guys?......
Great, he can't see two feet in front of himself but they're going to give him a rifle and a turn to shoot.
This job sucks.
You think you have a bad job?!
Feel free to correct for drop!!
Daniel Grambihler:
I really wish Kim Jong had never heard of that William Tell guy.
Johnathan Anberg:
After a his difficult childhood, Wen Ho Lee decides that America would give him more opportunity to succeed than the shooting range in Bejing.
Will Vehrs:
An Army of One.
Even with all the technologically advanced weaponry that dominates current military doctrine, there is still a role for the creative foot soldier.
Formerly with Busey, Dim Son joined the Army.
Sniper trainees must prove their worthiness before being issued a weapon.
"He was a target boy, she said see you later boy ...."
President Bush regretted saying that North Korea had obtained advanced target acquisition hardware from Niger.
North Korean spending on its nuclear program has taken a toll on more basic military infrastructure needs.
The military specialty assigned to Corporal Duk Cit wasn't quite what he'd envisioned when he left the family farm.
Russ Emerson:
It was only later that Wang finally realized that his protest was not entirely successful.
The new outlets for capitalism in China might not extend as far as privately-owned target ranges. Well, they might, but no one owns guns.
Kevin McGehee:
"Just think! In thirty years I can retire!"
"My job still has more of a future than Comrade Kim's."
William Hesson:
Mai No Lastlong enlisted in the Peoples Army immediately upon his return from Switzerland.
Charles Austin:
Suddenly, the 5th largest army in the world doesn't seem all that scary.
Even assuming that Dear Leader manages to hit the target with every shot, how would you like to be in the building in the background while he practices his marksmanship?
Kim il WIlliam Tell did not find his father's jests funny.
Pull!
At least they gave him a stool to sit on.
Somehow, all my troubles seemed to have faded away.
Let's start the third year of the Caption Contest with a bang!
In China, the Target Holder's Union continues to fight off those newfangled, job-destroying, mechanical targets.
What's the big deal? I know that location. It's in Chinatown in Washington D.C., where all guns have been outlawed. He's perfectly safe there.
Yao Ming thanks God every day he made it to the NBA in the USA before his turn to hold the target came up.
Ohmigod! They're about to kill Kenny!
Ready! Fire! Aim!
"Shoot straight you bastards. Don't make a mess of it."
"I hope I make it to year four of the caption contest."
I sure hope he remembered to put on clean underwear this morning.
Time to shoot or get off the pot.
That is the worst anti-war sign I've seen yet.
Exactly where do people look like the image in this target?
That's no good. The apple-like red blotch is supposed to be lower, so that it looks like it is sitting on his head.
Fraternity hazing at Guangdo University has gotten completely out of hand.
Neo's just showin' off now.
No one shows up late for target practice twice.
New slogan for the North Korean military recruiting posters: "A Target of One."
MDHaines:
This can't be right.......What did I do? I saluted the American journalist and frisked the presi... wait a minute, I think I see my mistake.
That's the last time I watch American television on my day off....
That's the last time I compliment George Bush.....
Is that an eye patch?
All I had to say was, "Yes, sir, you're daughter DOES look Meg Ryan!"
Looks like I picked the wrong day to start a new Young Republicans group.....
I wonder when they are going to get back to me with my government reform proposals.....
Let's see.... sleep with Hillary or volunteer for target practice.... no contest!
I wonder if this means I should have gone ahead and dated the captain's daughter......
Don't raise my hand to ask a question... Don't raise my hand to ask a question... Don't raise my hand......
Guess I picked a bad time to start promoting that new Red, White, and Blue fashion wear I've been working on....
Yep... I should have put on the Depends.....
Ron Ceval:
New SARS outbreak in China...Sit and Receive Shots.
Nathan:
The Chinese version of Javelin Catcher.
T. Walsh:
Moments before North Korea's first nuclear test.
Having lost the green socks that go with his uniform, Dim's punishment was 1 week of firing range duty.
The North Korean Boxing league, having already cut costs by using no ring, ropes, or gloves, could not afford to pay the ring girls, forcing boxers to hold the round cards in their corners as shown here before the 12th round of yesterdays match-up.
Brent Nyitray:
Note to myself: No more "Dear Leader" jokes at lunch....
David Hines:
Chang was beginning to have second thoughts about the army's new "trust-building" exercise.
chip:
Thanks, the stool really saved my ass.
Always have faith in the chain of command.
Okay gentlemen, this is training exercise. Standard-issue Nerf sidearms only.
This'll teach him to fall asleep in class. Riflemen, charge your super-soakers.
I hate training for these over-the-top dragon dance competitions. I never get the ass.
Bruce Henderson:
Jang was unfazed by the spot left on the target from the previous target bearer.
Korean roulette
"Lower, my ass!!!"
The bedside commode came in handy at the range....
"Which head? Stop asking stupid questions and start shooting, soldier!"
The drought on the peninsula and the resulting water shortage made the dunking booth a bit of a drag this year.
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Second Anniversary Caption Contest
Winning Entry:
"Here's a little trick I learned from Rob Lowe." - Charles Austin
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Alyx Parker:
Dick Gephardt begins his morning make-up session with a quick tan.
Will Vehrs:
On the off chance that Monkeypox was an STD, Josh tried a home treatment on his new pet.
After a furious day of breeding, UV light seemed to soothe and renew Felix.
He couldn't find it with two paws and a search warrant.
Somehow, Pepe had not quite come to the realization that he was toast.
Eric the Red had an image to maintain.
Gigi represented her district well.
Red rodent at night, sailor's delight.
Pet-lighting was all the rage in the Hamptons.
"I don't care one whit about your Patriot Act! I will never talk!"
Caitlyn Vehrs, (Age 8):
Introducing the new host of Animal Planet, Mr. Red Bright!
He was a rodent boy, I said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for me. Now he's a superstar, red light on his fur, does your pretty face see what he's worth?
Beth Donovan:
"This new airport screening technology leaves nothing to the imagination."
Daniel Ullfig:
LOS ANGELES -- Scientists have yet to explain the ferret's amazing ability to stay fully active during the winter months, explained today a spokesperson for CalPoly.
Kit Hui:
AP: Residents living in the Midwest lined-up Friday for their monkeypox examination. Monkeypox, dubbed the net SARS infestation, has caused 0 deaths in the past minute. This action by the US derailed the "road map" to peace in the Middle East.
Martin Devon:
"We may use heat lamps, but at least our hot dogs are fresh."
Richard Ames:
Frenchman Claude Puusie protests America's opposion to global warming treaty.
Peg K:
Can someone please let me know how long I've been in this tanning booth?!?
Allen S. Thorpe:
"And you're sure this will cure monkey pox?"
Jason Tamez:
Infected with monkey pox, this enterprising young prairie dog is trying to hide it by taking up indoor suntanning and 'racooning' himself... in an area several inches too low.
Charles Austin:
"I got your your grub right here, Puumba."
"Chicks dig a meerkat with a good genital tan."
"They told me things would be hopping down in the red light district."
"What are you lookin' at?!?"
This week on Fox, Meerkats Gone Wild!
"Shouldn't I get some sort of eye protection for this?" [Um, for you or for the meerkat?]
The funny thing is that when we turn off the light, he continues to glow red like this for about 15 minutes.
"I used to weigh 4.5 lbs, until I discovered the Atkins diet."
"I've been waiting two years for this opportunity. You can turn that damn red light off now."
"Fo shizzle, happy 2nd anniversary on the blogizzle!"
We're Here! We're Meer! Get used to it!
"I'm with Busey."
Ann Coulter's search for pinkos and Reds extends into the animal kingdom.
"Some lookout you are."
"This is the worst part of being a Chippendale dancer."
So, what else did you do on your vacation Dodd? Besides staging future caption contest photos with poor defenseless animals, I mean.
I don't think this would be allowed under the EU Constitution.
Brent Nyitray:
"No offisher, I aint been drinkin'...."
Tim Dreier:
After ending his rocky relationship with Pumba, Timone discovers the joys of self-love and a warm climate.
Stephen:
Here at the Roadkill Cafe, we know you don't want to eat any old burger that's been sitting under a heat lamp. That's why we cook up our roadkill fresh to order....
Aneela Brister:
"I love these new public urinals!"
bovious:
PETA spokesperson Ima Vegan distributed this photograph showing animal testing of the new non-invasive radiovasectomy.
James A. Wolf:
"Why do people regard me as nothing but a sex object?"
Richard Byrd:
"Are you sure this is going to make my penis grow?"
David Perron :
Funny... this grow-light promised to deliver a 50% increase in the size of my equipment by now, and I still can't even see it!
T. Walsh:
U.S. Soldiers stationed in Baghdad said they found the Red Light District a bit sub-par.
Steven Walker:
The lunch special at International House of Marmosets expressed some apprehension about his future.
David Cordes:
"No tan lines for me this summer!"
"Look! I found my Red Light District!"
"Hey, Honey, You wanna rub some cream on this before it burns?"
"Sun Tan? Check! Ability to stand on two legs? Check! A smile to melt the ladies hearts? Check! OK, Look out girls here I come!"
Julie C:
Anxious to get out on his date, Prairie Dog Dillard submits to a monkeypox screening.
Ready for their new homes in Indiana, prairie dogs surrender to a humiliating disease screening.
Entitlement tanning for prairie dogs -- T. Daschle's latest bill amendment.
J Gilleland:
"What means this mysterious red sun? ... Watson, I shall assume my 'Sherlock Holmes' personae and, together, we shall 'ferret' out the clues!
LW Price:
"I can't wait! Five more irradiation treatments and then no more fleas!"
David Byron:
"Poomba, does this coat make me look fat?"
Rags:
"Will? Will Vehrs is that you? This pose if for you. Since this might be the last of Dodd's 'Caption Contest' give me your best shot!"
Gerard Van der Leun:
Our coats are made from vintage minks who live a long life in an spa in the islands and who die of advanced old age in their sleep.
John Woodward:
Enlarge your Penis, 3 to 4 times size Guaranteed!!
I got your Hakuna Matata!
"Hot Nuts! - - Get your Hot Nuts here!"
Ricky West:
"Er, Mr. Gere, is that a red light you're shining or are you just happy to see me?"
"Welcome, to Crossfire!"
"Haven't you heard of shrinkage? Don't let the red light fool you, honey, it's cold in here!"
Jeffrey Harris:
"Lacuna-My-Ta-Tas"
Kevin McGehee:
Timon does his imitation of a McDonald's hamburger.
PETA announced today their new campaign to require the warning labels on tanning equipment to be written in non-human languages as well.
Yet another Democrat announces for President.
Laura Lowe:
What trashcan? I don't know anything about knocking over any trashcans."
Daryl Parker (ed - Happy Birthday, Daryl!):
"Okay, Rocky, we know ya's done it. Now, who wuz ya buddy wid one arm?"
"I'm so glad they caught my best side...."
Get out of my bathroom, you Peeping Tom!"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
Weekly Caption Contest
Winning Entries: TIE!
Checking from behind is not only allowed, it's encouraged. - Sean Martin
"I went to a gay rights parade and a hockey game broke out!" - Will Vehrs
Also-Rans (in no particular order):
Charles Austin:
Yea, old time hockey, like Pauly Shore!
Hard times for the Hanson brothers.
Maybe Reggie Dunlop was right about Mrs. McCambridge's son.
As Michael Ontkean's career languished, he was reduced to reprising his role as Ned Braden in two-bit parades throughout the provinces.
Lord Stanley's other cup.
I didn't know Wayne Gretzky had come out of the closet!
"The fans are standing up to them! The security guards are standing up to them! The peanut vendors are standing up to them! And by golly, if I could be down there, I'd be standing up to them!"
What, GAYHOCKEY.NET was already taken?
The retired hockey players association, GRAYHOCKEY.COM, were not amused that the parade organizers decided to have all the participating organizations ordered alphabetically this year.
I wonder if two-line passes are allowed in this league?
He shoots, he scores!
"The puck. I said drop the puck."
Well, I guess losing your front teeth isn't all bad. [Ed. - Oh! That's bad!]
Yes, it will be fighting that ruins hockey for the casual fan.
Putting the biscuit in the basket.
I didn't know hockey players were gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Laura Lowe:
I wish I had used that cellulite cream!
Susanna Cornett:
Being #2 on the team requires more assets than other positions.
Holding his hockey stick protectively, Howard Dean began to realize that not all fundraising activities were worth it.
Bret Ryckmen:
"We're not even supposed to be here today!"
Bruce Henderson
The cleanup detail took care of any 'fallout' from the gay pride float.
There were numerous walk-ons for the new San Francisco hockey team, the Society of Friendly Fellas.
The appropriately named "Number 2" was moved to the back of the gay pride parade for a 5 minute penalty for 'high-sticking'.
Jeffrey Harris:
That's what you get when you goto a gay boxing match....
I betcha these guys wouldn't mind a bit of 'high sticking!'
Please do not ask where these fellows keep their mullets....
Mark Mills:
There is apparently no high-sticking penalty in this league.
Yeah, baby! We're not just gay, we're pucking gay.
This sort of travesty wouldn't be allowed in Pat Robertson's America. That one guys is wearing yellow pants! And he doesn't have golf clubs! (Also, the gay thing would probably come up....)
Isn't there a law about using the maple leaf for coverage "down there?" [Ed. - Click the link in the next entry.]
aK:
I hope the green jersey is not a double entendre.
Sean Martin:
Where's the puck?
Skate like Hammel, hit like Garland.
You call this cold? In Canada it's so cold we actually have to wear pants during winter.
I knew we shouldn't have bought our uniforms from the "The Emperor's New/Used Uniform Shop".
Chris O'Donnell:
"What's Howard Stern doing here?"
Daryl Parker:
"What the puck is this?"
Jeez, The Rangers have really gone downhill!
Julie C:
Tamilee Webb would be so-o-o proud of those buns.
Featured on "Where Are They Now": The Bay City Rollers can still show there stuff in 2003, on a S-A-T... Saturday Night!
Oh, hockey sticks, all the cute ones are gay!
Will Vehrs:
Take a ferry to the hockey parade. [Ed. - Uugghh!!]
The legalization of sodomy was not expected to have much impact on hockey, in or out of the arena.
Alyx Parker:
"Shrinkage, eh?!"
Thanks to all who entered. Please see the main blog for this week's Contest Photo.
