Jeffrey Harris:
"Oh dear...!"

Ron B.:
"Oh, Dear!"

Charles Austin:
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside."

"Now that's a wolpertinger*."

During his lean years, Lance Armstrong did whatever he had to do to get a little extra money.

What Bill Clinton would have been doing if he hadn't entered politics.

The poor bastard wants to signal for a left turn, but he'll lose his grip on the deer if he tries.

Bambi: After the Fall.

The circus has come to town!

Oh, deer me.

Doh! A deer, a female deer... [ed. - Uuuggghhh!!!]

Is anybody else wondering where this guy's gun is? [Ed. - I was thinking "roadkill," myself.]

Jimmy's momma still dresses him funny.

Boy are they gonna be pissed at the zoo when they count their deer tomorrow.

Bear:
“Hello. My name is Bambi the Deer. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.”

Bruce Henderson:
"No, dammit, I said to hold out your right hoof for a right turn!"

Continuing in his quest for using nature while still achieving maximum efficiency, Mr. Kaczynski found the innards of a fresh kill to work wonderfully to warm his frozen earlobes.

"Uh oh, cops.... Just be cool and they won't notice a thing."

Dean Esmay:
Deer hunting after you've had your license suspended may be considered a difficult task for most people, but hunting season was a religious experience for Frank....

Kevin McGehee
The looting was getting waaaay out of hand.

After his scene was cut from Warren Beatty's Dick Tracy movie, Joe "Dead Deer Face" Quimper began a long, slow slide into drugs, drunkenness and debauchery, finally winding up as "the dead-deer-on-a-bicycle guy" on Des Moines' skid row.

The illustration for the Pennsylvania DMV's driver's license test question #42: "Does road-kill have the right-of-way on a residential street with a double-yellow line?"

This photograph captures the climactic moment: The deer, spooked by a garbage truck, ran headlong into the street, attempted to jump over Steve and his bicycle, but didn't get quite enough "air". The result was tragic, and dozens of onlookers required years of therapy.

Sean Martin:
"Honey? Isn't that your uncle Ralph?"

"CAUTION: Falling Deer Zone"

Bicycle Hunting - the new rage.

Local petting zoo reports missing deer.

"How am I going to signal left?"

The wood animals make a bid to retake their land.

Dan Dickinson:
PETA Patrol busts James Lileks. Homemade Wild Stag Pizza will have to wait.

rocket:
"Howard, what is that man doing?"
"Martha, that's the Democratic County Commissioner. He's promised to broaden the constituency as much as possible..."

Robert:
"Look Ma! No hooves!"

"We'll get Joe for stealing our school's mascot, the sedated calf...."

Russ Emerson:
"Pedal faster! Turn left here!"
"Yes, deer. Whatever you say, deer."

When Animals Attack.

"A little sage, a bit of garlic, salt and pepper to taste...."

Mark Lardas:
"Because he only traveled by bicycle Ted always had a hard time getting to a date, even when his dear was willing. . ."

John Cross:
“Another one of the many uses of Bambi’s Mom.”

Craig Sprout:
"After further reflection, Earl decided that next time he would field dress the deer before pedaling it home."

Rebecca Meyer [Submitter of the picture for this week's contest]:
"Sven pedalled furiously to the Olson's, never realizing that B.Y.O.B. didn't mean he had to bring Bambi."

"The Spearfish Adopt-A-Pet campaign was interpreted somewhat differently by Luther."

"Harlen had heard that females were scarce in Montana, but this was ridiculous."

For Norbert, the indignity of having his driver's license suspended the week before deer season opened was nothing compared to the humiliation of having to use his little brother's bike to bring home his deer.

Julie J:
This is the reindeer that ran over Grandma!

Look, Mabel! Henrietta and Ray are having roadkill for supper again.

Karen Gilbert:
"Surely now", Carl thought, "I'll meet the requirements for the HOV lane".

After 2 miles of laborious pedalling, Jack decided that a fur stole was an entirely unsatisfactory way to beat the winter chill.

A newcomer to Dearborn, Michigan, Bob was still confused about the derivation and meaning of the town's name.

Robert Reich:
Not old enough for a drivers license yet, a young Ted Nugent still found ways to bring home dinner for the family.

Susanna Cornett:
Overwhelmed by the video of Baghdad, Homer decided to get into the looting action.

"And you'll look sweet... but not effete... on this hunting bicycle built for two..."

Harvey didn't realize that he was about to become the poster child for the Roadkill Doubles.

Bret Ryckmen:
What's your IQ?

Sean Martin:
"Tim, Susan - how many helpings of crow would you like?"

The Dynamic-Duo Daringly Display Dual Digits Demanding Discontinuance of Disharmony

Ron B.:
V is for Valium!

The happy couple show off the I.Q. they share.

How many inches is he? [Ed. - now that's just mean!]

Genie Hughes:
Susan and Tim flash their “V for Vacuous” sign.

It’s two – two – two mints in one!!

"Uh, Susan, maybe we should tell them we meant 'V for Victory'?"

sdrimmer:
There Are Two of Us - Two!

We Can Count to Two

We Take Ourselves Two Seriously

Charlie Dillon:
In a suprising show of support for the War in Iraq, Hollywood liberals, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins display Churchill's "V for victory" sign.

Reporter: "Tim! Susan! How many people outside of Hollywood do you think take you seriously? I see. Is that two for each of you or combined?"

Reporter: "Tim! Susan! How many times should should I pimp slap you? I see. Is that two for each of you or combined?"

Dan Dickinson:
Seventh Inning Stretch... with extra fingers Photoshopped in.

Sara K.:
Susan & Tim step aside from their anti-war duties to promote themselves for the remake of the movie V!

Rocket:
"Susan, is your antenna working?"
"Let me try, Tim. This is CrapPusher 1, this is CrapPusher 1, please come in, Mothership."

Kevin McGehee
Two opponents of Saddam Hussein's ouster display their scores after taking an IQ test.

Donald Sutherland:
"Hey, Tim and Susan, what's your collective IQ?"

Denizens of America's throw away culture out at play.

John Lawton:
"I do too know my IQ!"

Rita:
Suzie & Timmy proudly display what they think is the 'V for Vichy' sign.

Julie C:
The crowd yelled, "How many nipples have you touched today?!"

Finally accepted to speak at an event, Susan and Tim hold up their personal victory signs.

A crazed fan yells after the couple asking when they're having a baby. The couple responds in sync with the Hollywood standard reply, a "V".... for vasectomy.

Virginia may be for Lovers, but I hope that "V" doesn't mean that Virginia is their next destination.

"V" is for Val. She got us a job on Sesame Street.

Today's letter is "V". "V" is for "Validity," about which we know nothing.

Jeffrey Harris:
"I've got some 'rabbit ears' for you, Susan."

MDHaines:
Tim Robbins! Susan Sarandon! What did you score on your SAT?

Tim Robbins! Susan Sarandon! How many wrong predictions are you making per hour this week?

Okay, war predictions aside.... just to get a reality check, how much is one plus four? Oh... that explains a lot....

Tim! Susan! You've got what for brains? Ahhh... 'number 2!'

Tim! Susan! How many times have you supported a candidate speaking to an empty room?

Bruce Henderson:
The Robbins' exhibited a somber mood along with a classic black ensemble as they strode down the red carpet into the memorial service for Chemical Ali...."

Short on words, Tim and Susan did indicate how many months they planned to keep a very low profile on world affairs....

Of course, once the country was at war, with young men and women in harm's way, Tim and Susan joined in the call for "victory" over the torturous dictator.

Gary O'Brien:
CNN reporter: "Tim, Susan, what's your I.Q.?"

"No!!! It means peace!"

Number of American icons you've mocked during the war?

Tom Myers:
Hey Tim and Susan, how many minutes before your careers implode?

Joel Wickham:
"Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon show how many little bastards they have produced since being together."* [Ed. - Mr. Robbins will no doubt pay a visit to Mr. Wickham soon to kick the living cr*p out of him.]

"Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon signal their victory over the evil President Bush after the heroic resistance of the Iraqi people throws back the infidel Americans in Baghdad."

"Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon show how many people are likely to attend their next movie after they were shown to be total idiots for claiming the war in Iraq would be a disaster for America."

"Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon show how many cents they each have contributed to actually help the people in Iraq."

Karen Gilbert:
Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon display the inverted dunce hat sign, their trademark, as they arrive to collect their co-award for "Egregious Stupidity", at the first annual "Sleaze Weasel" awards.

John Hudock:
"I'm makin' bunny ears for the photographer, I have no idea what Susan is doing, though."

Susan Sarandon and life companion Tim Robbins in an amazing change of heart, display Churchill's famous 'V for Victory' symbol to show their newfound support of the war effort.

Table for two, please.

Laurence Simon:
All Bull, No Durham

Russ Emerson:
Hollywood nitwits Susan and Tim answer the oft-asked question, 'What is your cumulative IQ?"

John Anberg:
"Mr. Robbins, Mrs. Sarandon, how many bottles of cheap Russian vodka do you both usually have before going on camera?"

Lisa S:
Tim & Susan to Saddam: "Hey - there's our buddy, Saddam! Peace be with you, my friend!"

Gina:
"To all you Republicans out there, these aren't the fingers that we'd really like to show you...!"

Jack Pennington:
Yes, we've had sex twice. Dumb ass we have two kids, don't we?

Bear:
“Peace to you, as long as you don’t tick us off... then you’re dead meat! But hey, it’s just a picture, right? Cheese!!!”

“Darn, Susan, you’re too far away!!! How am I supposed to do the rabbit-ears for the camera?”

“What do you mean this is the symbol for ‘victory’? Crap – we don’t want the USA to win this war! What were we thinking? Sorry for the false impression there, guys!”

M D Thomason:
Two is the loneliest number....

Gary and/or Janet:
"Hey, Susan and Tom, which furry little woodland creature is visiting your house this Sunday?

Hey, Susan and Tom. How many years before your careers completely fade away?

Brian L. Fox:
"Guess how many brain cells between us...?"

Myjackelofterror:
"Dahhh...! Two plus two makes..., ahhh... 3, no 4! no 3. Yep. Yep! 3, that's it!"

Michael Ruthenberg-Marshall:
"Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon are beaten harshly for expressing their anti-war sentiments, another example of how free speech by celebrities is being viciously supressed. Oh, wait..."

laurilan:
"Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the...."

Shock78RPM:
"We love Saddam! When America captures him and puts him on trial, we wanna worship him and kiss his feet, 'cause we love him so much! He's the greatest guy in the World! He is our god and we give him thanks and glory for murdering 2 million innocent people including his own family members.

Len C:
"Not just one, but two, count us, two complete idiots who refuse to admit when we are completely and utterly wrong! Get it straight!"

astro knight:
"This is no laughing matter. Two terms for Bush!" [Ed. - I know we're making stuff up and all in these things, but....]

Mike Wilson:
Question from the audience: "Susan and Tim, how many active brain cells do you have between you?"

Keith Guille:
“Peace... Peace... Don’t hate...! Hey isn’t that the reporter that did a story on our son. Yeah..., I’m going to kick the living (bleep) out of him! Peace... Peace... Don’t Hate....”

Sharon Cords:
"Two... Two... Two Liberals in one!"

Anthony Centrella:
"Hey! How many months does your career have left?"

The Timekeeper:
Two: The percentage of Americans who share our values.

V for "vermin".

Rob Steinbach:
"Join the French Surrender Monkeys™ for peace and appeasement!"

Larry Cochran:
Life partners Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins show their support for the recent Pro-Velveeta movement. Recent news from PETA has found that real cheese has intelligence which have led the duo to support the processed cheese industry. Robbins said, "Anyone interested in real cheese should be concerned with conserving it." France has already petitioned the U.N., afraid this new peace movement may effect their exports of Camembert.

Global Nihilism:
"Victory for Saddam!

Tim and Susan, the Oscars are all out of toilet paper. What do you plan on using?

Sam Hornbaker:
Red Carpet Press: "Timmy and Sue, what's the longest amount of time you've ever put into a thought before letting it spew forth from your mouths?"
Timmy and Sue: "2 seconds, at the most."

"Two, that's right, two inches, is the length of my penis, wouldn't you agree, Sue?"
"Yes Tim, exactly two inches."

Donna Summers:
"I said 2 tickets to France, not 2 tickets to dance."

"Two, Two, it takes our Two minds to make One."

"Two, Two, Two idiots for the price of one".

John and/or Melanie Moore:
{reporter on the sidelines, shouting} "...excuse me, Mr. Robbins, Ms. Sarandon, what did you say your IQ's were again."

{commentator} "Several actors and actresses publicly showed their support for the return of the television series V. Many people began questioning their "human" status.

Sandra W. Kafka:
"As Susan and Tim ascend the podium, they are asked what is their IQ... dud."

Kimberli:
Susan: "Hey, Tim, do you think Arafat knows this 'V' is for him, the PLO, Islamic Jihad etc., not just our friend Saddam for victory?

Frederick Schlueter:
"Table for two and, uh, two orders of crow, please."

Russ and/or Jem W.:
Mr. and Mrs. Sarandon practice their technique in order to feel welcome at their next MLB game. Little do they know it will take more than that....

Charles Austin:
"Whom do you serve?"
"Sa-ru-maaaaan!"

Tim Robbins still doesn't know why the Royal Marines walking behind him kicked his ass just after this picture was taken.

Tim and Susan still seemed to prefer the "Iraqi Horror Picture Show" to admitting that President George W. Bush was right.

Clear photographic evidence that Tim "I'm not really a murderer or terrorist, I just play them in the movies" Robbins and Susan "I sold my daughter's virginity at 13 in a New Orlean's whorehouse in a movie" Sarandon are being crushed for their patriotic dissent.

Ok, I get that Tim is giving Susan the rabbit ears, but who is Susan giving them too?

How many jerks in this frame? Yes, that's right.

Visualize whirled peace sign displayers.

Black is so..., so ..., symbolic of how they feel about the children of Iraq. But not the ones just released from the children's prison, of course.

"In two weeks we'll be in Cooperstown for the 15th anniversary of Bull Durham." Not.

Hey, Tim and Susan, show us how you gripped your fastballs in Bull Durham. Oh, on second thought, never mind.

Sean Martin:
So that's where Saddam was hiding those illegal rockets.

Blix was: Looking for love (and rockets) in all the wrong places.

Ron B.:
The latest gift from France - 'Le Grande Royal Supositoire' - on it's way to America.

Genie Hughes:
Henri! Henri! Pull back on le throttle! We will get no more oil from Saddam!

Mary Goldsmith:
It looks like France has it's own secret weapon in fighting the war with the US.

Smelly perfume.... No deodorant.... Now this!

Charlie Dillon:
Upon completing thier misson to marginalize France, alien secret agents depart in her last vestige of pride for parts unknown.

I can't help but see a Rocky Horror Picture Show-type ending with Jacques Chirac as Frankenfurter! The question is who fills out the rest of the cast?

Charles Austin:
Ahh, Paris just as I remember it!

Eventually, even M. Eiffel could no longer tolerate what France had become.

"One of these days... to the moon, Jacques. To the Moon!"

Jacques Chirac: "I've got a full tank of LOX and half a mind to use it."

Actually, at this point, the potential energy is being converted to kinetic energy. [Ed. - Ah! Picking up on my "loads of potential" remark about the pic. Very clever.]

What will M. Bove say about all this pollution?

"Vichy, we have a problem."

France launches it's largest oil derrick in the hope of securing one of Iraq's northern oil fields before the Coalition can completely exclude them from the spoils of a free Iraq.

"With the retirement of the Concorde, Air France proudly introduces our new hypersonic aircraft, the Eiffel Tower!"

Which is more unlikely, the Eiffel Tower taking off like a rocket, or Dodd taking a vacation to Paris? [Ed. - I've been to Paris, you know. I might go again. Not any time soon....]

Dr. Evil's Gallic phallus-like rocketship in Austin Powers in France: Lie Another Day.

Dodd, how could you give away the ending to Matrix Reloaded so flippantly?

Dan Dickinson:
Marines Liberate Paris!

aK:
Houston que nous avons "Piss De"....

Mike Van Winkle:
French space program finally viable.

French pragmatism on display....

Having lost respect for human rights and individual freedoms long ago, the French finally officially recognize their return to servitude by launching the Eiffel Tower, a symbol of the French Revolution, in to the vacuum of space.

"Terrorists? In Paris? Don't be such a Bush-ie!"

Fed up with US hegemony on planet earth, French anti-war activists finally return to their home planet, Franco-Love Sphere, where 'war is not the answer' and inhabitants 'give peace a chance.'

Kevin McGehee
Having failed in his attempt to take over the world through arrogance and spite, Jacques Chirac borrows a move from Dr. Evil.

Caitlyn Vehrs, Age 8:
I wonder if the French exchange students coming to my school are on that Eiffel Tower blast-off.

Will Vehrs:
I'm not the man they think I am at all,
No, no
I'm a rocket man....
Jacques Chirac, at long last fulfilling the prophecy of Elton John.

We shipped the surly bums of earth to touch the face of Saddam....

Oh, mon Dieu ... did we remember the Grey Poupon?

Another sign that Euro-Disney is upgrading their rides.

Daryl Parker:
Finally! we can release our secret wepon upon those daffy Englishmen while their backs are turned! Vive La France!!

Supervillain Gustav Eiffel gets the last laugh....

"Jaques!! I canna' give 'er anymorrre powerrr!!"

Chirac finally unveils the real reason behind all those tests in the South Pacific...

Rob Dionne:
"Why couldn't they have given me to the US instead of that silly statue??"

Jeffrey Harris:
Desperate to be a full-fledged nuclear contender, the French introduce their answer to the A-bomb. Dubbed the A-Frame-Bomb, this missile system guarantees accurate delivery of it's payload to the designated target, where it will promptly surrender, and wait patiently for someone else to take care of things.

susanna:
On learning Chirac was enroute for a meeting there, the Eiffel Tower took the only option remaining.

A lit cigarette in the wrong place, and a vacationing Hans Blix suddenly found where France's WMDs were located.

Daniel Taylor:
Next stop, Washington, D.C.!

"Cinq, quatre, trois ...Mon Dieu, un autre ejaculation prématuré. J'ai dit, svp attente jusqu'à ce que je dise 'zéro'!" [Ed. Winner! Best foreign language entry (even if it is French).]

John Anberg:
The French, dissatisfied with surrendering just to humans, launch an expedition to surrender to any possible Martian microbes.

Oh, great. Now they'll come back as super-intelligent cheese-eating surrender monkeys. [Ed. - no danger of that, I'd say.]

The Eiffel Tower, sick of being stuck in such a terrible location, blasts off to be with its long lost sister, the Statue of Liberty.

Unfortunatly, the Eiffel Tower was using the Ariane 5 engine, and exploded moments later.

After seeing all the monkeys that NASA sent into space come back super-intelligent, the French look to offset their cheese-eating-surrenderousness* with super-intelligence.

Chris O'Donnell:
The aliens leave after failing to find any sign of intelligent life.

France tests its new anti-logic defense system.

The Information Minister "Baghdad Bob" provided this picture of Iraq's missile defense system in action.

Kevin Jacox:
Bye Bye, Saddam!

France enters the space program.

NASA's latest vehicle, the "Freedom Rocket"!

Joel Wickham:
Jacques Chirac shows that he is no more adept at figure skating than leading a country, after a sex change operation and extensive plastic surgery.

Mark Mills:
Flesh colored boots: $175
Blue dress: $200
Years of training under a master: $400,000
A handful of Tylenol : Priceless.

So much for the new "Raise the Babushka" move...

Even the dancers hate the SARS on Ice Spectacular.

Mary Goldsmith:
OUCH!

Never attempt to do the macarena in ice skates.

"Ok, who's the idiot that threw marbles on to the rink?"

A lasting reminder of micheal jackson's influence in figure skating.

Wisconsin breakdancing!

Whoomp, there it is!

Britney Spears tries to make it big in the world of figure skating....

An undernourished figure skater falls down at the 2003 Bangledesh winter olympics.

Dave C. Perron:
"If you should go skating on the thin ice of young life..." [Ed. - Isn't that "modern life"?]

"I just knew I should've gone for the bikini wax."

Charles Austin:
Break (ice) dancing.

Oooo, that's gonna leave a mark.

Wow, that MOAB was detonated over 4 miles away!

I'm reluctant to criticize her, since whatever it was that she was trying to do puts her way ahead of anything I could do.

Dan Dickinson:
After the 1992 Olympics, the Technical Committee changed the rules to prohibit "lying down on the ice" for Ice Dancing only. It is still a smooth move for singles and pairs.

Jim Flynn:
Sadly, no skater has ever successfully done the "Freddy" on ice.

Julie C.:
Frustrated with figure skating, Sarah raises her hand to volunteer for the Marines.

In Washington, DC last week, Sarah Hughes amused the audience with her imitation of Saddam in his bunker.

Now that figure skating scoring is anonymous, it doesn't matter if American skaters fall down. They won't win any medals anyway.

Oh forget this event... Michelle Kwan's got it all sewn up.

Kevin McGehee
The First Annual Orbital Olympics didn't go well -- especially the zero-gravity figure skating competition.

Some athletes will do anything to get Bill Clinton's attention.

She quickly regretted having spat on the zamboni driver.

Although her skating ability was subject to question, her skill in dirty fighting won her a spot in the NHL.

Caitlyn Vehrs, Age 8:
Hope she doesn't break her butt!

Will Vehrs:
Early in the program, Dick Button's fondest wish comes true.

The French judges looked on helplessly. They hadn't discussed how they'd judge this scenario.

"The fall she took is different than the one we thought she'd have when we practiced," said her coach.

"She obviously came to this competition without enough training and that's just pure arrogance," said blogger Mosh Jarshall.

"We support skaters who fall on purpose," crowed the anti-skating activist.

Jimmy the Greek would have admired those thighs. [Ed. - now that's just uncalled for. Funny, though.]

Karen Gilbert:
In a flash of insight, Sarah regretted not spending the $30 for the bikini wax.

Daryl Parker:
Tonia Harding displays the grace that one her the highly coveted 'Louisville Slugger' sponsorship....