Will the oppression of the transspecied never end?

"I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan...."

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? I don't see anybody else lounging in fuschia tights here."

Stay away from the brown acid.

Will says," I wish I had never seen this caption photo."
"So do I," says Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

Adam Sandler as Platypusman was destined to be the last Bond villain.

"See something you like, buddy?"

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

"AFLAC, my ass."

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger." -- Nietzsche

"Nice try, Klinger, now get back to work."

"It's the pelvic thrust that really drives them insane."

An escaped mutant Sea Monkey?

Boxers or briefs?

Akiro tried to cash in on the popularity of the Blue Man Group. Alas, he was color blind. And stupid.

There's never a North Korean kidnapping squad around when you need one.

A highly magnified picture of the virus that causes illiberalism. Fortunately, there is a cure, though it does not always seem to work.

Laurence Simon:
Sure, Aesop talked about the Rabbit and the Hare, but the Platypus kicked both of their asses.

Chris O'Donnell:
Trent Lott decided that now was the time to come completely out of the closet.

Kevin McGehee
Bret of NeverTrustaMonkey.com is seen composing yet another of his unending series of clever comments bashing conservatives.

After he resigned from the Senate, Trent Lott was offered a "very important post" in Japan. To this day he regrets not making absolutely certain it was the Ambassadorship.

As MSN expands into Japan, they're working on a uniquely Japanese take on their current "butterfly" ad campaign. Despite misgivings back in Redmond, it seems to be catching on.

"Good evening. I'm Peter Jennings, and this is World News Tonight."

Weekly World News has this exclusive photo from chief UN weapons inspector Hans Blix's three-hour meeting with Saddam Hussein.

"Eh? Speak up! Costume? What funny costume? I got this at Abercrombie & Fitch."

The sign says "Down on my luck, need new shoes."

In Japan, they don't know exactly what a reindeer looks like, but they all recognize Rudolph's red nose.

Al Gore, not wanting the 2004 campaign to be about the past, considered a number of options before finally giving up and announcing he wouldn't run.

Mark Mothersbaugh tried to revive Devo, but the rest of the band objected to the updated costumes he wanted them to wear.

Industry insiders say the fifth Batman movie probably won't do as well as the rest, since the previous four used up all the really cool villains.

Bret Ryckmen:
No, Dodd, you do not look like Marylin Monroe. [Ed. - Well, that's a relief!]

Vincent Giannini:
Yokohama Zoo Accuses Specimen Collector Of Pinniped Fraud.

Cinema Review: Godzilla Remake A Huge Disappointment.

Japanese Protestor Protests Something, Not Sure What... Or Even How.

{sign translation} "I feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay."

"Once after all-night hearty partying when he was in college, this guy I knew woke up on the street and...."

The ad campaign failed with the younger demographic. Honshu running shoes just did not come across as fun and cool.

Dan Dickinson:
FBI released this image from a recently captured Al Qaeda training video. In this segment, FMR Actor Peter Sellers instructs SCUBA for Arabs.

Mary Goldsmith:
A marcher tries to hitch a ride to the local gay pride march.

"Don't tell me -- it's the end of the world now...."

George Bush, Jr. gets drunk and makes an ass out of himself infront of the White House.

"Hey, baby, I am sensitive and I wear pink. Will you sleep with me?"

"I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. Demille!"

Centerfold of the month for Playgirl's January, 2003 issue.

This man shouldn't be shopping out of the dumpster outside of a bargain discount dept. store.

"I got an appetite for sex because me so horny!"

"I am thinking of using this picture for my online dating personal ad. Is that a good idea?"

"Santa came to my house and all I got was this crappy suit and fins."

"You go, boy!"

"I got released from the local mental institution and they gave me these threads."

One of Mr. Blackwell's top ten worst dressed celebrities for the year of 2002.

"Hey, baby boy, show off those sexy... fins!"

Kermit the frog's gay cousin....

JulieC:
Will decides, if he can't be the caption winner, then he'll be the caption photo! [Ed. - Hmmm.... I do note that Will didn't enter this week....]

If only she knew... those shoes make her a serious "Fashion Don't!"

She knows the red nose was an afterthought, but hey, she likes the holiday touch to her outfit.

Her sign read, "Reform me, please!"

Posing in Washington, DC begins today....

Attorney General Ashcroft's "Santa Round-up" has been compared to the Palmer Raids, but most of the incarcerated Santas actually felt the experience would be career-enhancing.

In the good old days, every Enron executive had one. Andy Fastow had three.

Surprisingly, many defrocked priests have gravitated toward seasonal employment opportunities.

"Yes, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then she just went... wild."

The glut of unemployed Santas is threatening the stability of the North Pole's fragile economy.

Willy Boy had sunk into a dark morass of conformity and he began to fantasize about a dramatic breakout.

The Gay Santa March attracted thousands and their chant of, "Ho Ho Ho, Who Wouldn't Know" caused much consternation.

People shuddered to think what these Santas would put in Christmas stockings.

With UN inspectors fanning out over the countryside, Iraqi nuclear scientists were pleased to have the Santa option in lieu of house arrest.

The Arayan Nation Santas were enthusiastic, although some needed work on the salute.

michele catalano:
Right Guard Deodorant - 1,000 Santas can't be wrong.

Chris O'Donnell:
Bin Laden believed these disguises would allow his operatives to easily infiltrate the infidels.

Charles Austin:
Scrooged II: Attack of the Clones.

The UN Inspection team shows up in Baghdad for their first day at work.

The Claw(s).

Tim Allen looked out his window the morning of December 26 and began to wonder whether making The Santa Clause II had been such a good idea.

When Santa Claus enters the portal into his own mind in Being Santa Claus.

My name is Jim. I am a Santaholic.

Casting call for 3000 Miles to Christmasland.

The guy in the middle with the glove... is that Michael Jackson? Get that bastard outta here, right now!

The complete membership of Santa's Local 623 showed up outside Rev. Rayfield's parsonage to let him know just how much they appreciated his telling children that Santa was dead.

Invasion of the Present Snatchers

Christmas Eve on FOX: "When Santas Attack!"

A snapshot from the MC Xmas concert: "All the Santa's in the house say, 'Ho!'"

December 26 at the unemployment compensation office.

In the sequel to The Matrix, Agent Smith is now portrayed as Santa Claus: "You've been a naughty boy, Mr. Anderson."

This is what happens when Dr. Mephisto stages a screening of The Island of Dr. Moreau on Christmas Island.

Ohmigod, is that the time?

"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated...."

The freshman class for the 108th Congress prepares to take the oath of office.

David O'Connor:
More hos than a rap video!

Kevin McGehee
It's not widely known that Hitler also had a cadre of red-shirted stormtroopers, known for entering victims' homes via the chimney.

"Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! Hey, it's almost happy hour!"

Members of the mysterious international Santa Claus cult greet their leader with cries of "Sieg ho-ho-ho!"

The CIA believes it may have figured out where Osama bin Laden has been hiding.

"Who wants Trident?"
"I do! I do!"

In a scene from the new Wes Craven movie Night of the Jolly Dead, a mob of zombie Santas converges on the local shopping mall to feast on human flesh, stale popcorn and M&Ms from a vending machine.

Mary Goldsmith:
Over worked, underpaid and not laid.

Mark Mills:
"Who considers Trent Lott to be naughty?"

Santa's List: One elf breaks free from the madness and tries to help the nice Jewish kids get some toys.

And then little Jimmy looked up as a hundred Santas waved good-bye to his illusion that they were real.

susanna cornett:
Trent Lott tried one last time to get on the good side of all Americans. Then someone noticed all the Santas were white....

The Saudis sponsor the clever new seasonal "Where's Osama?" game.

Stanford reveals that they've actually been cloning babies since 1960, hiding the products right under the noses of gullible Americans.

John Cole:
Santas from around the world lined up for their chance to put coal in Trent Lott's stocking.

What the Democrats see every time Trent Lott opens his mouth.

PunzDeLeon:
"A San Diego 'Elf Esteem' seminar may have gone too far this December...."

Mall Santas protest rap music's inappropriate use of 'Ho's' during the holiday season.

JulieC:
More than several Republican Guardsmen choose a mystical escape plan.

Page One of the Where's Saddam? book.

The Republican Guard wishes you a very Merry Christmas -- photo by Olan Mills.

You better watch out, you better not pout....

It's the "Saddam Clause"....

Brent Thurman:
WASP - White Aryan Santa Party

Rags:
Will The real "Willy Boy" please sit down...!

Daryl Parker:
"OK, which one of you kids has been in daddy's cloning lab?!?"

Yabbadaubado:
"And in other news, an angry mob of homeless men descended on Universal Studios today. It seems that the celeberity sponsered clothing drive had put most of them in contempt of court, as they were not allowed contact with children...."

Robert Reich:
Aryan Nation goes undercover for holiday season.

Rick Vester:
"I'm Spartaclaus!"

John Woodward:
Would anyone here who has been hit in the face by flying reindeer poop please raise you hand.

With Al Gore out of the running, Democrats ask for volunteers to giveaway the next presidential election.

I, state your name, pledge allegiance to the frat, with liberty and fraternity for all. Amen.

Vincent Giannini:
The most fiendishly contrived "Where's Waldo?" search yet.

Upon close inspection, this photo reveals a few of the numerous elfen "hos" who keep the Santas jolly.

Achtung! Frohe Weihnachten wünscht ihnen!

Jonathan Henry:
Siech Ho!

Dan Dickinson:
Judith Regan reports live from The Running of the Santas in Saranac Lake, NY!

michele catalano:
Two young car buyers check out the head room before the test drive a car.

Chris O'Donnell:
"And if Strom Thurmund had been elected President in 1948, we wouldn't have half naked women driving around in cars. They'd be in the kitchen, properly clothed, where they belong!" - Trent Lott

Anton Sherwood:
"I told you that was a dumb place to put the car keys."

Kevin McGehee
The "Click It or Ticket" campaign takes a tragic turn as nudist driver Beverly Johnson's seatbelt latch gets caught in a sensitive place.

"No, honey, the shift knob isn't supposed to go there."

Traffic surveillance cameras may have captured the cause of yesterday's 14,000-car pileup on I-95 in West Palm Beach.

In the new porn flick Debbie Does Driving School, a particularly riveting scene begins with two scantily-clad actresses trying to hot-wire a car, but managing rather to get each other started instead.

Coming in at #3 on David Letterman's list of the Top Ten Places Not to Give Birth: "Behind the wheel at 70 miles per hour."

"Okay, when he comes to the door and asks for your license, just act natural."

Jennifer and Daphne check out some of the more exotic optional equipment in the 2003 Chevy Impala.

Here's why you never drive on vinyl seats in a thong during hot weather. This poor girl had to be extracted using the Jaws of Life. In a particularly tragic development, the team of 47 male paramedics had to amputate her bikini to get her out of the car.

No, Charles, this is why they they hate us.

Charles Austin:
Hey! That's my sister, you #%^%#&^%&*%#!!!!

Due to the large number of accidents blamed on it, Commute Twister was banned in all but four states.

Will, get up here, we're in an HOV-3 lane and there's a cop behind us.

Thelma and Louise - the Directors Cut, with those long-rumored lingerie scenes never before seen! Order it now in time for delivery for Xmas!!!

Can't this thing go any faster? That guy we flashed on the condom bike is still following us.

And you thought cell phones were dangerous to use on the road...

I told you that McDonald's coffee is really hot when they give it to you!

Whatever it is they are doing, wouldn't it be easier in the back seat?

And they aren't wearing their seatbelts either!

Whoa dude, that lingerie so doesn't go together.

Riding In Cars With Girls

I sure hope no one makes a crack about women drivers.

Damn it Jen, that's the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in those cars behind us and if we don't get our burkhas on in about 10 seconds, we're done for.

Interestingly enough, Liz and Julie experienced nearly identical ecstacy-induced hallucinations about the man in the steering wheel on their way home from the rave.

There really is something about Mary!

Mary Goldsmith:
Driving Miss Daisy - now out at all adult video stores.

Mark Mills:
You don't understand. I have experience with this. It makes the best hair gel.

And the last little piggy went "Whee Whee Whee" all the way to homebase.

Two blondes, one owner's manual, one heater on full....

Rags:
"I am not sure, but it looks like something 'Willy Boy' left...."

Laurence Simon:
"That's gotta hurt. Stay there and I'll get some scissors...."

Dan Dickinson:
"How fast are we going?"
"Licketty-split!" [Ed. - Unnngghh!]

Will Vehrs:
"Put your cell phone on vibrate so I can sleep."

"Thelma and Louise never had these problems!"

"You're overdressed. Take off the hot pants."

"How in the hell could you get your thong stuck on the gearshift?"

"Mickey Kaus and Glenn Reynolds are taking this for a test drive in five minutes...."

Trent's gonna like this little taste of Dixie.

You are so not ready for Strom's birthday party!

JulieC:
Oh God! Is that the baby's head?!

A funny thing happened on the way to Rosie O'Donnell's place....

Driver's Training - Victoria Secret-style.

Victoria Secret goes low budget....

Just as I feared, the baby looks like a former president!

Buick promises its roomiest series in 2002.

Doug Plager:
Dang! I think the batteries are dead... again!

Bret Ryckmen:
"Hey, that condom's way too tight!"

Brent Thurman:
You shaved it just for me and got a clit ring, too, you naughty girl. God I love you!"

Vincent Giannini:
As the trooper approached the car, he became certain he was just about to hear the winning entry for this week’s "But, Officer" contest.

"Hold still; I’ll help you find it. My boyfriend’s shifter is usually right... about... here."

"Then you would roll one of these on like this...."

Tiffany shows Ann the rearview mirror’s alternate use.

"Cootchie cootchie coo."

Tiffany’s lips were full and moist. The aroma of their ocean swim clung fragrant in her hair. And then... and then... with her slow, gentle hands hovering above Ann’s quavering thighs... Tiffany set the
proper steering wheel angle.

Tiffany teaches Ann operation of the newest driving-comfort accessory from The Sharper Image.

"All right. All right! Next time, I won’t be in such a hurry to buckle the seat belt. Just get it out!"

When they make mistakes during Driver Ed class, Miss Boothe gives her students thorough tongue-lashings. She’s summarily dismissed when the boys in her classes consistently yield the highest failure rates in the history of any school in the whole state.

"See... driver’s license... lipstick... $20 bill.... It’ll hold everything you really need."

"Yeah, it’s your Club&trdae;, all right. Next time, don’t hit the brakes so hard."

"Whoa! The bottle’s just about full."

First was hair-brushing. Then putting on make-up. The latest is bikini-waxing while they drive.

At the moment of the fatal collision, Ann’s soul was sucked butt first out the passenger-side window. Fortunately, she had heeded Mother’s advice and was wearing clean underwear.

Ann almost did not live to regret ever having found Gidget the Fidget’s name on the ride board.

"It reads 'Field Tested And Approved By United States Marines,' but I think it will wash off."

All right, I take it back. It’s your natural color.

Due to an unfortunate similarity to the sound of the word for "pants" in their native language, the two Swedish tourists misconstrued the car-rental agent’s suggestion that they periodically exchange "seats" during their long drive.

As the car rapidly approached the toll plaza, the unexpected twist in Tiffany’s search for loose change took Ann by surprise.

Ann had spilled her coke, much to the delight of the trucker passing Tiffany’s side of the car.

Suddenly, Tiffany recoiled in shock. Her new boyfriend was not at all what she had anticipated.

It would have been a long, uncomfortable ride home if Tiffany hadn’t helped Ann change out of her wet swimwear, too.

{Zip.} "See? MyThose panties match my top."

"Look... there’s the label. I told you that you had them on backwards."

"No, your panties don’t make your butt look too frumpy. How about mine?"

"There. Does your thong still feel too tight?"

"See, your pants are stuck to the seat, too."

Though considered the hottest Siamese twins around, boys would only date them when Ann was driving. [Ed. - of course, if they're Siamese twins, Tiffany can only drive in England.]

Ah ha! So THAT’S why they were calling you "Kojak" last night.

From ‘Studies in Etymology’ by Sharon R. Butts: The incident re-enacted in this photograph gave rise to a new, alternative meaning for "autoeroticism."

The professionals at Jiffy Lube gladly check all your fluid levels.

Tiffany’s impulsive response to Ann’s expression of boredom with the long drive broke the monotony for many travelers that day.

"Well I’ll be darned... you’re right! It does look like Yassir Arafat when you do that."
"And if you draw eyes like this, it looks just like Richard Cohen."

"I spy with my little eye something that starts with...."

Ann was all the more embarrassed because Tiffany just could not get the hang of drive-by mooning.

"Let’s play my special game for traffic jams."

Tiffany’s obsession with doing the hokey pokey soon would lead to a practical lesson in ballistic flight

Tifffany saw 'Alaska' first, so she claimed Ann’s undies in the strip version of the "License Plate" game.

Rags:
Even Willy Boy found this "strap on" a little more than he could handle.

John Anberg:
"...no match for Ipse Dixit!" [Ed. - I choose to assume this is a compliment....]

Will Vehrs:
Jocelyn Elder's new film has been described as a cross between "La Bamba" and "The Evil Knievel Story."

Once it became clear that he was no longer on Bush's short list for the Supreme Court, Judge Garcia began to express himself more forcefully, choosing both unconventional law clerks and an unusual transportation option.

Responding to market pressure, Trojan unveils its answer to the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. [Ed. - No pun intended, I'm sure.]

Juan takes a spin in the base model, but Felipe and Maria hold out for the ribbed option.

The Sanchezes did not think that a sex offender registry was enough. They successfully inserted a hard and fast requirement that offenders must travel in a brightly colored condom bike.

Vincent Giannini:
Newlyweds Penelope Pitstop and Peter Perfect (both standing) look on as Richard Cohen (uncharacteristically on the right) readies his Washington Post as the newest entrant in the Wacky Races.

"Quick! Get this to the 50 Foot Woman before she attacks again!"

Richard Cohen readies his eponymous "Dickmobile" for his new role as The Scourge of Charles Austin. (The ghost of Richard’s grandfather and an unidentified hot, little spirit look on.)

In a display of patriotic fervor, the gay community reveal how they will fulfill their vow to bring the "Father of All Battles" to Saddam.

JulieC:
The DNC previews its latest "Get out the Vote" bus system.

The back of his shirt reads, "Mustache Rides - 5 cents"....

Sometimes, modelling jobs really suck!

"Merry Christmas, Hillary! Love, Bill!"

Mary Goldsmith:
"Oh Baby, Can my friends watch while you ride me all night long? It really turns them on!"

MDHaines:
Another advertising victim of NOW's increased interest in the Master's.

"Okay, stay with me on this.... Let's say King Kong has a girlfriend...."

The CHIPs episode Eric Estrada never wanted anyone to see....

"Great gas milage!!! It's just a bit messy getting started...."

Meanwhile, Rosie O'Donnell waited breathlessly....

Kevin McGehee
Coming in 2003, Jesse Jackson stars in a remake of Shaft!

Most people think "safe biking" means wearing a helmet.

The real reason Robin quit the Dynamic Duo.

"...they never let poor Rudolph join in any biker games..."

Daniel Taylor:
"Yes, it's a god-damned phallic symbol, okay?"

"Of course size matters!"

"'Scuse me while I whip this out...."

Rhonda:
Yet another way to throw your back out while "riding."

Dan Dickinson:
"I don't want a pickle. Just wanna ride my motor-sickle!"

"Geez. That coulda saved Duane Allman... or Berry Oakley... or Jimmie Spheeris... or Ken Wahl... or Gary Busey... Liam Neeson... or Bob Zimmerman." [Ed. - Gary Busey?!?]

"Add 63-64 Inches!!!"

Laurence Simon:
"Sure, he'd been up all night gluing the carpet to the sidecar, but nobody had the balls to ride in it."

Charles Austin:
"I think it's leaking oil... or something."

"Seems like a waste having to dispose of it after one use."

"Evil Kneivel, meet Awful Knawful."

In my haste to escape the clutches of the outstretched arms of the Richard Cohen fan club, I lept onto the nearest vehicle I could find to effect my escape. Alas, Will Vehrs had neglected to replenish the precious combustible fluids of the World's First Condom Bike after taking it for a pleasure cruise in and out of the surrounding communities.

"It rides pretty nice, but the suspension is a bit stiff." [Ed. - Uugghh!]

"Just perfect. That's what we need, more pricks on the road."

"I think we now know why they hate us."

The Pocket Rocket.

Easy Rider

Pretty (pathetic) In Pink

"Can you imagine pulling up to a biker bar and seeing 30 of these lined up next to each other?"

Interviewer: "Yes, we can all appreciate the deep, penetrating symbolism. But, why is it pink, Floyd?"

Thanks, Dodd. Now I'm haunted by a vision of this bike entering the Lincoln Tunnel. Again and again.

"I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel...."

"I don't want a pickle
Just want to ride my motorsickle
And I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride my motorsickle...."

"Awww, he's got a dick, its to ride...."

"Just keep him away from the Shriner's in the parade. God knows what they might do seeing a large pink condom bearing down on them from behind."

"No, I'm not thankful for this."

"Hmmm, isn't he riding, well, bareback?"

Steven reminisces about last year's competition when he held his wheelie up for 3 minutes and scared all the people along the parade route that had never seen him angry before.

"So, you gonna take that up to Sturgis this year?"

"We're gonna zoom zoom zooma zoom."

"Mine's bigger."

Also, the world's last condom bike.

"You're too modest. I daresay that this is the Universe's first condom bike."

"Ride it, cowboy."

"Before you ask, the Dickfor is a high performance street bike with a liquid cooled 90-degree V-twin with four valves per cylinder and dual overhead cams."

The eyes of the guys at Jiffy Lube light up when Michael pulls this baby in and asks them to flush his fluids.

"Nice shoes."

Road thrill.

Robert Pirsig's variant of hell.

"I wonder what the sidecar looks like?"

"But, isn't he required to wear a ... wait for it! ... helmet?"

"Shouldn't the dick be inside the condom?"

Michael was no longer allowed to take his condom bike on the road after all the doughnut shops in town got a restraining order against him for repeatedly destroying their signs.

"Is that the four-stroke or six-stroke model?"

"This baby gets 48 smiles per gallon."

In a fabulously hip, postmodern, retro-noir remake of The Wild One, when asked dismissively by his bisexual lovers what he is rebelling against, Brandon Marlo looks into the camera and says, "Whaddya got?"

Now some folks say it's too big and uses too much gas
Some folks say it's too old and that it goes too fast
But my love is bigger than a Honda, it's bigger than a Subaru
Hey man there's only one thing and one bike that will do
Anyway we don't have to drive it honey, we can park it out in back
And have a party in your pink condom bike
I love you for your pink condom bike
Crushed velvet seats
Riding in the back, oozing down the street
Waving to the girls
Feeling out of sight
Spending all my money on a Saturday night
Honey, I just wonder what you do there in back with your pink condom bike
Pink condom bike.

Bret Ryckmen:
The Ipse Dixit-mobile gets its first trial run.

Gutierrez gave a whole new meaning to "riding the hog."

Embarrasment. From Calvin Klein.

"Got condom bike?"

0-60 in two orgasms, flat.

"Who says Libertarians don't have fun?"

"If this bike's a-rockin', grab a bucket.".

"Where's the beef?"

"Excuse me, miss? There seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large condom bike? Hello!?!"

"...so order your John Holmes special anniversary Harley Davidson today!"

"Wonder if the cops would ever pull him over for speeding."

It uses 10W-30 KY jelly.

"And my mother said I'd never amount to anything."

"No, seriously. I'm not gay."

The official vehicle of Log Cabin Republicans.

Shift_sexual orientation

The new Harley Davidson "Rod" concept is expected to sell incredibly well in San Francisco.

"Wonder where the clutch is...?"

"I'm gonna get so many chicks on this thing."

"Boy, I wish C.D. could have made the photo shoot."

"I hate my life."

Talk about a "crotch rocket."

The engineers in Japan had finally gone insane.

Drive-by's are going to be a pain in the ass.

"Too bad you have to replace the body every time you ride it."

"I think I'm allergic to this thing."

"You just can't feel the road as well on this bike."

"If the body gets a hole in it, does motor oil leak out?"

"I'd hate to be the mechanic on this thing."

"Well, it's not any uglier than the Aztek."

"The name's Bond. Jaime Bond.".

The budget cuts on the new Bond flick were instantly apparent.

"It's still better than taking the bus."

Ironically enough, the bike offered no protection whatsoever.

"My helmet's purple."

Ribbed for her pleasure.

"Don't laugh. Your daughter might be on this bike."

"My other car is a Segway."

"Ignore the man on the dick!"

"Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

Woman: Vélo intéressant
Man on motorcycle: ?
Guy next to woman: *Smack* She says "Nice bike."

"You should see what's in my pants."

"This thing is great at parties."

"At least I'm not French."

"I <3 New Pork."

"Nice shades."

"I don't remember condoms having stirrups...."

"Do you have them in XXXXXXXXXXXXL?"

"I wish I were an Oscar Mey-- alright."

"Ah hell, this one's got a tear in it!"