Ronald McDonald joins the postal service. - Kevin Jacox.

"Special orders do upset us." - PunzDeLeon.

As Ronald McDonald rose in the polls, his presidential campaign rallies increasingly relied on dramatic props to stir the faithful. - Will Vehrs.

The WTO Protest Olympics get off to a bad start. - Mark Mills.

"Now hear this!! Robberies are not considered nice behavior and will no longer be tolerated at MacDonald's!" - MommaBear.

"Welcome to the start of the fourth annual Cholesterol Crawl and Clogged Artery 1/2K." - Will Vehrs.

The latest in Happy Meal toys to go out in kids' meals today. - JulieC.

Ronald McDonald introduces the newest Happy Meal toy, to go with the NRA tie-in. - Susanna Cornett.

"And I also want to pop a few caps in honor of the lovely Oxana Fedorova...." - Will Vehrs.

"I got your fucking Happy Meal right here." - Charles Dillon.

"Do you feel lucky today? Do ya? I'd love to give you a permanent smile." - Rhonda Roberts.

"When you pry it from my cold, dead, McNugget-stained fingers...." - Will Vehrs.

"Listen up, you little shits... I have done away with the "Happy Meal"! Anyone got a problem with that?" - Rags.

Franchise starter kit. - PunzDeLeon.

In a less-publicized memo, Coleen Rowley warned FBI Headquarters about the erratic behavior of a popular clown. - Will Vehrs.

Ronald makes a political statement about the price of concessions at professional ball games. - JulieC.

"This is your captain, speaking from the flight deck...." - Will Vehrs.

"Okay.... Which one is Will Vehrs?" - Rags.

"Okay, where is Will Vehrs?!? If he posts posts one more caption I'll kill him. Come on, taunt the clown!" - Rhonda Roberts.

"God, guns, and fat guts are what made this country great. Two for one on Big Macs tonight!" - Will Vehrs.

"Do you want to Magnumsize that order?" - PunzDeLeon.

"When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every last Hamburglar in the room..., accept no substitutes." - Mike Adams.

Tensions were high at the grand opening of the newest McDonalds in Kashmir. - Will Vehrs.

"All right, nobody here is leaving until the Department of Agriculture abolishes that stupid 'food pyramid.'" - Mark Wade.

"Announcing the new Saturday Night Special Happy Meal!" - Will Vehrs.

"If I’d had this, James Huberty wouldn’t have been successful. And I’ll say that to Sarah Brady’s face." - Susanna Cornett.

"Tie my owner down and give me just one minute with him, please!" - Mark Mills.

Robert Mueller announces a new "get tough" policy aimed at "mid-level bureaucrats." - Will Vehrs.

"Yea, now your arteries are unclogged. Any more lawyers wanna sue me for pushing saturated fats?" - Charles Austin.

"Everyone gets frustrated when they stop serving from the breakfast menu at 10:30 am..." - Jeffrey Harris.

"I've got a little something for all you so-called 'nutrition experts' and your fancy lawyers...." - Will Vehrs.

"I'm from Rockaway, and you terrorists can kiss my Royal Irish ass!" - Kevin Jacox.

Taking his cue from Andrew Sullivan's recent stab at live performance, Eric Alterman attempts a medley of tunes from Annie Get your Gun, including 'Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better' and 'You Can't Get a Man With a Gun'. Success seems elusive. - Ray Eckhart.

"Stop or I'll shoot, Hamburgler!" - PunzDeLeon.

"On your mark, get set, gobesity!" - Mark Mills.

"We will defend our interests against any 'Shaq attack' launched by the evil-doers at Burger King." - Will Vehrs.

Some people will go to extraordinary lengths to get a winning caption.... - JulieC.

McDonald responds to Chick-Fil-A's ad execs with it's "Eat Mor Lead" campaign. - Aaron Johnsonr.

Ronald holds up the Golden Arches. - Alyx Parker.

"Any woman caught using a MacDonalds urinal will be shot." - Will Vehrs.

"Does it look like I'm kidding?" - Charles Dillon.

Episode II: Attack of the Clowns - PunzDeLeon.

"I’m warning you! If anyone says 'two all beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun!' to me one! more! time...!" - Susanna Cornett.

When clowns with guns are outlawed, only outlaw clowns will have guns. - Will Vehrs.

[Insert obligatory Libertarian Hamburglar/Crime/Gun Control joke here] - Mark Mills.

"Do you want that to ready-start-go?" - PunzDeLeon.

Cruel joke of parents of 16 year-old finds its way onto the World Wide Web. - JulieC.

The new HBO documentary: Pimps up, Legos Down - Rhonda Roberts.

Fans streamed into downtown Lego City to see the legendary "Hot Dog Dogs." - Will Vehrs.

"Man! That is one stupid pickup line... all the women here are built like brick shithouses. You gonna tell her she's 'stacked' next?" - Mark Mills.

Legoland's finest cracks down on streetwalkers at the corner of Duplo Street and Lincoln Log Lane in daytime sting operation. - Robert Reich.

Thank goodness Dodd's Lego set didn't get tossed with his baseball card collection. - Will Vehrs.

Tom Daschle's version of a replacement for the Crusader. - MommaBear.

"Nothing to see here! Move on along!" - Dan Dickinson.

"Is that Will Vehrs driving that Lego Car? Man...! He'll do anything to get in Dodd's caption contest." - Rags.

People in Legoville went about their business normally, oblivious to the terrorism warnings of Cheney and Rumsfeld. - Will Vehrs.

Who's The Lego Man? was no more succesful than Dr. Dre's first foray into police comedy. - Mark Mills.

The officer didn't care that she was plastic, hard after years on the street. She was stacked like a brick legohouse. And he couldn't wait to get her in his cruiser. - Susanna Cornett.

In Legoland, catching a cab requires ingenuity and patience. - Will Vehrs.

"Forget the sightseeing - did you see the puppies on that broad in the red?!?" - Daryl Parker.

Dodd gives us a preview of the car he's gonna buy when he gets his first big bonus. - JulieC.

The notoriously capricious Legomobile driver passed right by the group needing a ride to Lincoln Logs. - Will Vehrs.

After credible death threats, Swedish diva Helga Sorenson, currently starring as Brunhilde in Wagner's Ring Cycle at the Kennedy Center, is given a police escort during her recent shopping spree in Georgetown. - Ray Eckhart.

Some boys want the car model, but others want that Madonna model standing behind the car! - JulieC.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?" - Will Vehrs.

"Thank god I didn't get the mustard... I'd look like a bumble bee!" - JulieC.

"Cheer up! It could be worse. At least he didn't put any onions or relish on us." - Brent Thurman.

"It's not often you get to piss off PETA, vegetarians, and Ralph Nader at the same time." - Will Vehrs.

The two friends found that life as hot dogs had lost its relish. - Susanna Cornett.

"Tie my owner down and give me just one minute with him, please!" - Mark Mills.

"Yeah, we're kosher. You gotta problem with that?" - Will Vehrs.

"At the Dog Show: Wiener and still champion!" - PunzDeLeon.

"Damn I hate mustard! I always have to wear the mustard!" - Rags.

With the Wienermobile in the shop for a new transmission, Oscar Meyer's promotions department had to improvise. - Will Vehrs.

"You just can't find a dachshund when you really need one." - Daniel Taylor.

"The Hell witchoo C.K.! We are the true weiner dogs." - Ray Eckhart.

"Don't. Say. A. Word!" - JulieC.

"Best in Show" at the Alternative Kennel Club. - Will Vehrs.

"Yeah, she's my bitch... You got a problem with that?" - Rags.

"Look, kid, I been through this before. You just gotta keep your chin up, kid. Just look 'em right in the eye like this and say, 'That's right! I am garnished with mustard!'" - Michelle Smith.

As many predicted, genetic engineering began to produce troubling results. - Will Vehrs.

Hey, Harvey! See dat poodle? She puttin' da relish in my hot dog! - Susanna Cornett.

Opening day at the park for the Korean National Baseball Champion Hanwha Eagles following a truth-in-advertising scandal. - Mark Mills.

"I bet if we were wolf hybrids, they wouldn't try this shit." - Will Vehrs.

"Don't even think about taking a bite out of crime, McGruff!" - PunzDeLeon.

"Yellow card! Red card! FIFA president Sepp Blatter made it very clear that no dog was to be served in Korea during World Cup 2002!" - Dan Dickinson.

"Those Koreans have gone too far!" - Phil Tessaro.

"It's a deal. We'll go out like this if we get to hump your leg when we get back." - Will Vehrs.

"And people wonder why we bite them...." - JulieC.

"That's it! Tonight we crap in his slippers. You with me?" - Brent Thurman.

Their bodies filled with debilitating levels of sulfites and filler, Toby and Rex face an uncertain future in the aftermath of the Eau Claire, Wisconsin Bratwurst Festival. - Will Vehrs.

"Bruce..., do we really have to do another "Gay Pride" parade?" - Rags.

"Harvey, I don't seem ta cut da mustard anymore."
"Al, don't feel bad, it's all I can do ta ketchup myself." - Susanna Cornett.

"I hope they don't link this pic on some Korean blog." - Will Vehrs.

Worst In Show - Brent Thurman.

"Light meat or dark meat?" - Daniel Taylor.

"Hmmm... Nice buns! " - PunzDeLeon.

"Hey bitch! Nice buns!" - Mark Mills.

"Bite me, poodle-boy!" - Will Vehrs.

"Yeah yeah sure sure. I'm a BUN-dle of joy...." - JulieC.

America's Funniest Home Videos prepares for sweeps month. - Will Vehrs.

"Yeah, mine is a lot bigger than yours...." - Rags.

Johnson & Johnson - Will Vehrs.

"Wicked! I read about those on redsugar.com!" - Tanya Stay.

"What's a nice girl like you doing hanging out in a place like this?" - Mark Mills.

"I only wish I had one that looked that good!" - Tamara Ralston.

"Having a penis is just, like, so totally cool!" - Will Vehrs.

"It's horsebacking riding - strengthens just the right muscles, and gives you amazing control, as you can see." - Ray Eckhart.

"Ok, you can pee standing up, I don't even mind you having a dick, but, please, stop pissing on my shoes!" - Mark Mills.

"How much further can you unroll that, Jennifer?" - Will Vehrs.

"Oh c'mon.... you mean your mom never told you that girls can do anything?" - JulieC.

"Jason, you don't know dick!" - Will Vehrs.

"Hermaphra-what?!?" - Rhonda Roberts.

"Title IX, sheesh!" - Dan Dickinson.

"Shake it more than twice and you're playing with it!" - Will Vehrs.

The college version of "You show me yours, and I'll show you mine." - JulieC.

If only her tits were that big! - Mark Mills.

He suddenly understood why she always won the pissing contests. - Susanna Cornett.

"I don't know; it just swelled up!" - Will Vehrs.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. - Mark Mills.

"...and the chick had a clit so big, it had balls!" - Charlie Dillon.

"No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop's always in your pants." - Dan Dickinson.

"What you been eatin', girl?!?" - JulieC.

"Brad, I'm not like other girls...." - Will Vehrs.

"Hey baby! Have you ever seen one this... oh, I guess you have." - Mark Mills.

"Look honey, if your going to use the men's room then at least know the frigging rules. You never, ever, take the urinal next to one already in use." - Chris O'Donnell.

"Damn! WTF?!? Yours is bigger than mine!" - Tamara Ralston.

"I can shit standing up, too!" - Mark Mills.

I got nothing! - Rags.

"Oh, Dylan, I'm glad you're so open minded." - Will Vehrs.

"Back at the lodge, Nick teaches Cindy 'The Snowplow.'" - Dan Dickinson.

"Yeah, well I have always been kind of a tomboy." - Charlie Dillon.

"It's freaky. I've been taking Bloussant for two months. Standing up to pee is way better than bigger boobs!" - JulieC.

The couple that pees together, stays together. - Will Vehrs.

"I’m so high, I think I’m turning Japanese." - Gary Quick.

Brazil II: After the Neutron Wars - Dan Dickinson.

"Hey, dude, like, I don't even remember Ridgemont High." - Ray Eckhart.

"State of Grace wasn't that bad, really! - Mark Mills.

So, Sean, I am Sam was not a stretch then. - Rhonda Roberts.

Now playing at a theater near you: Ridgemont High: The Next Generation. - Daniel Taylor.

Not a single nun would agree to intercede in Smith's case. - Will Vehrs.

"You did what with a hand-made bead necklace at the St. James Art Fair?!?" - Susanna Cornett.

Sean Penn slowly becomes Nick Nolte after a freak genetic mutation. - Bret Ryckmen.

A photo captured moments before Sean Penn's head mysteriously exploded. Said the inventor of the device Sean was modelling at the time, "But, they're just little lights on the side of reading glasses to help with, umm, reading." - Eric Graham.

This is after only 4 years with Madonna.... Her daughter is now 6! - Mark Mills.

Methinks he may have left something inside Madonna. - Dan Dickinson.

Another reason to stay off the drugs. - Rhonda Roberts.

Man..., these glasses are way better than any other shit I have done in the past. - Rags.

"Not only am I the founder of Superglasses, but I'm a client, too." - Will Vehrs.

Sean Penn wins the Robert De Niro look-a-like contest. The prize: A date with Madonna. - Brent Thurman

After a long hard battle, the Spicoli personality finally wins. - Mark Mills.

I was married to *that*? Wish I'd had these glasses sooner... - Susanna Cornett.

"You are.... THE WEAKEST LINK!" - Gary Quick.

"Whoa, dude, you're gettin' a little personal about me and Madonna, aren't you?" - Will Vehrs.