"Someone get Ms. O'Donnel more botox, the 'smile' has come back." - Mark Mills.

"Gimme another kid or the puppy gets it!" - Tanya.

No, this is a male bear actually. - JulieC..

Forehead for rent. - Caleb Brown.

Rosie's controversial bestiality skit was all but forgotten in the uproar over Brent's faux pas. - Will Vehrs.

"One more comment about my hair and the dog gets it!" - Brent Thurman.

"If you thought last week's ad was hot, check out our new escort service!" - Kevin Jacox.

P.E.T.A. was back on the search for a new spokes-person after inadvertently scheduling a photo-op during lunch-time. - Jeffrey Harris.

"Nice sweater on that dog... and her pet looks cute in that shirt." - Mark Mills.

"Buy my book or the pooch gets it!" - Daniel Taylor.

Christina Ricci, all grown up... and evil. - Caleb Brown.

It is said that the pet resembles the owner. Or is it the other way around? - Brent Thurman.

Tonight: A very ordinary episode of Touched by a Caption... - Will Vehrs.

[Rocking back and forth] "This little light of mine... I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine... I'm gonna let it shine...." - Rhonda Roberts.

Finally a grown-up singing toy for us Streisand lovers. - JulieC..

And they call it... Puppy Love! - Brent Thurman.

"What the fuck am I doing on Ipse Dixit?!?" asks Rosie. "I'm trying to get to Home Depot!" - Kevin Jacox.

Rosie's campaign to legalize gay adoption gets off to a bumpy start. - Dominic Locascio.

Adopt-A-Pet's new "Gay people, take all the rat-dogs you want!" campaign kicks into high gear. - Mark Mills.

"I'm too sexy for my car... too sexy by far." - Brent Thurman.

"You can't eat this one, O'Reilly!" - Dan Dickinson.

Real or stuffed? You make the call! - Will Vehrs.

"...and when I stick my finger up his butt, his tongue sticks out. Is this a cool toy, or what? chuckle chuckle..." - JulieC..

See what happens when you let her give birth to her own children? - Caleb Brown.

Additional evidence surfaces that pets resemble their owners. - Will Vehrs.

This year's model. - Brent Thurman.

Because she's accepted that she'll never have Tom Cruise, Rosie settles for the "Tom Cruise Celebrity Bear". - JulieC..

"Give me your guns or the mutt gets it!" - Alyx Parker.

The risk of offending Dodd's friend Rosie cast a pall over the caption contest. - Will Vehrs.

"Who are you calling angry and intolerant? Do I look angry and intolerant?" - Brent Thurman.

A new advertisement to spay and neuter your humans.... - Kevin Jacox.

Rosie shows off what she refers to as an "assault weapon." - Caleb Brown.

"She's clutching me to her bosom... hmmm, maybe she's not gay after all!" - Will Vehrs.

"Got water? Hell, I will take anything...! Please! " - Rags.

"Try smuggling a gun inside this, you asshole!" - JulieC..

Rosie O'Donnel protests Florida's law prohibiting gay pet ownership. - Kevin Jacox.

Who knew fallen angels could be cured with underwires? - Mark Mills.

And could it get any worse? For now the Enron executives will have to miss out on their weekly entertainment. - Sara K..

Paradise Bossed. - Dan Dickinson.

The only people who did not complain about the new Airline Security measures were the Las Vegas Bondage Society members. - John Cole.

Laura Palmer gets what she deserves, all thanks to her evil Doppleganger, Donna Hayward. - Caleb Brown.

"You have much to learn, grasshoppa." - Will Vehrs.

"Siegfried is mine", says Odile to Odette, in B&D Theatre's avant-garde production of the Tchaikovsky classic. - Ray Eckhart.

George Bush's Birthday Party Entertainment. - Amy Richard.

"Jennifer Bodie and Alexa Mincher, ex-Arthur Andersen CPAs who left the company because of its lax ethical climate, have high hopes for the new business they co-founded." - Will Vehrs.

March Madness, anyone? - John Cole.

Fox finally bottoms out with When Celebrity Angels Wrestle! - Mark Mills.

"Dodd, I sent you that photo of my wives in the strictest of confidence!" - Caleb Brown.

"A little more flexibility and I think you've got a future in this business, Rhonda." - Will Vehrs.

"Another evil bureaucrat tying the innocent up in red tape." - Alyx Parker.

Tonight: A very special episode of Touched by an Angel... - Daniel Taylor.

Without a Mayor Guliani to criticize their performance art as decadent and depraved, Megan and Chloe have been unable to attract grant funding. "We're going to have to try something with crucifixes and camel urine," said a disappointed Chloe. - Will Vehrs.

Tipper's Senate campaign was cut short when Al decided his new look was not ready for the public. - John Cole.

"I used to be uptight, too.... You'll get over it." - Will Vehrs.

What Caption? - Dan Dickinson.

"How many times to I have to tell you that only nurses and brides wear white shoes and hose!" - Rags.

This wasn't the usual 'good angel, bad angel' routine, and this sure wasn't no Sunday school lesson. - Mark Mills.

"Betty Jo Crockett (in white) is one of many former Enron employees in the Houston area who have turned to alternative therapies in an effort to cope." - Will Vehrs.

If Oh God, You Devil had continued on like Police Academy, it would feature scenes like this. - Mark Mills.

"I just don't think I'm ready to come out of the closet. Was it tough for you?" - Will Vehrs.

"Really, Dinky.... smoking is sooooo uncool." - JulieC.

"Finally men that make a fashion statement! Love the way the hot pink hat and umbrella play off the pale pink tee. Also you can never go wrong with your basic black and white. Good job guys!" - Rags.

"Cheryl, I told you this would happen if we kept free-basing testosterone...." - Daryl Parker.

"Britt really has a nice ass, don't you think?" - Will Vehrs.

"Baby, can we belly bump later?" - Rhonda Roberts.

Gay Pride meets Bubba. - Bob Kutzenberger.

"Did you leave the cell phone number with the babysitter?" - Will Vehrs.

"Then she said, 'If you take that umbrella, you're gonna look so gay.'" - JulieC.

"C'mon on now, hon, you know how much it upsets Derbyshire to see unrepentitent red zone smokers flaunting it." - Ray Eckhart.

"I can't believe you wore that outfit again! How many times does this make? And what's with the smoking...! I thought you gave that up." - Soble.

"Let's get out of here, Lance. This place is crawling with pansies." - Will Vehrs.

Members of the dreaded and feared "Pink Parasol Gang" case their new neighborhood. - Bob Kutzenberger.

Dinky and Mel played it cool as they pressed their way forward to the latest Village People auditions. - JulieC.

"I'm Mary Hart, on tonight's ET insider, proof of the conspiracy - Rock Hudson and Liberace: Alive and well and living in Utah..." - Daryl Parker.

"50 parades and we still can't get married." - Will Vehrs.

"You know, Burt, 'pride' is not a four letter word!" - Rhonda Roberts.

"I meant to ask before we left... does my ass look fat in these overalls?" - JulieC.

"Listen, sweetie, I'm not sure how you are going to take this, but I'm cutting you back on carbohydrates until you loose some of that gut!" - Bob Kutzenberger.

Sadly, even the rock gods can't un-recede your hairline. - Mark Mills.

Booty time, Booty time, across the USA! - Daryl Parker.

Al Bundy may be a shoeman, but what he really wants to do is rock and roll. - Chris O'Donnell.

My ex said I am so crass I'd play with my instrument in public. Well, here I am proving her right. - JulieC.

Can't stop... Can't stop the rock... rock rock... can't stop the rock! - Mark Mills.

Recovering from the cancellation of his show, this actor decides to rival Terry Bradshaw for a performance with ex-Beatle Paul McCartney. - JulieC.

Marvin Fender hoped to cash in on the wave of nostalgia for Milli Vanilli. - Will Vehrs.

"And to think I wasted all those years riding horses..." - Daniel Taylor.

Since meeting Natasha, "Stable Boy" has taken on a whole new meaning. - JulieC.

"Eat your heart out, Rosie!" - Ray Eckhart.

"Fair is fair, 'Seabiscuit.'" - Will Vehrs.

Jockey™: The next best thing to bareback. - Mark Mills.

"Yeah, she's a Dennis Rodman castoff, so?" - JulieC.

"So what if I have a tiny dick! See what $5.6 million in earnings will get you." - Brent Thurman.

"I'll only be a minute. You better wait out here." - Dan Dickinson.

"It was the smaller of the pair who argued most vigorously that the conjoined twins should not be separated." - Charles Toft.

We all have our small prizes. - JulieC.

Although she was not the fastest filly in his herd, Laffit was always quick to quip that she was his favorite to ride. - John Cole.

Told you I ride tall in the saddle! - Will Vehrs.

This picture of a typical Central American couple could shed some light on why Matt Loomis prefers to take his holidays in Costa Rica. - Matt Loomis.

"And you thought riding horses was fun...." - Daniel M..

Got Milk? - JulieC.

"Dodd, I gave you that photo in the strictest confidence! You know my wife and I are private people. Tatyana's and my 'playtime' activities are not for public display!" - Caleb Brown.

"See what my free sample of Viagra did for me!" - Rags.

"She might need to use that when I'm in the home stretch...." - Will Vehrs.

"Whip it, whip it good!" - Alyx Parker.

Getting her: Priceless - JulieC.

Like the hats, these jockey codpieces get more elaborate every Derby. - Mark Mills.

"Remember that SuperGlue™ scene in American Pie...?" - Daniel Taylor.

Carmichael Accessories - for the ride of your life! - Will Vehrs.