"George's wasn't fat like this one." - Will Vehrs.

"Can I keep this?" - Mr. Blank.

Oh Mama... look at that body!!! Here George, have another pretzel.... This one should keep you quiet for a while...." - Rags.

"Its OK George. If I hold it like this it looks like a little steering wheel, see?" - Mark Mills.

Suspect apprehended in presidential assassination attempt.... - Daryl Parker.

Before I choked him, he said he wanted me twisted up just like this...." - Will Vehrs.

"Yes, it is true, I was able to do this with my tongue..." - Sara Kelly.

"We're donating it to the Smithsonian!" - Mark Mills.

"Forget the choking, I'm worried about his blood pressure. Look at the salt on this thing!" - Will Vehrs.

"WOW, this is bigger than George's pretzel!" - Mr. Blank.

"Terry, it's my thumb that's hurting, not my teeth!" - Will Vehrs.

"So, uh, you on the take, or what?" - Elizabeth B.

"Kurt, I, like many people, want you to know: I hate you and I'm not really sure exactly why." - Caleb Brown.

"Boy, you need to go see my dentist!" - Julie Carwile.

"Look me in the eye, Kurt, and tell me you're not an alien." - Will Vehrs.

"Okay, it's like this... you just put your lips together and blow." - Rags.

"Kurt, I want you bad, bend me over right here!" - Brent Thurman.

"You've got some Chunky soup on your chin...." - Caleb Brown.

"Snap out of it! What's wrong with you?!?" - Elizabeth B.

"Remember on Roots when they checked the slaves teeth?... like this?" - Julie Carwile.

"Look, it's over, OK? Just accept it." - Caleb Brown.

"Yeah, that's definitely gingivitis." - Elizabeth B.

'It's been a hard day's night, and you've been playing like a daw-aw-awg...." - Julie Carwile.

"Remember this, punk: I have four Super Bowl rings, you have one." - Brent Thurman.

"I sang with a Beatle!!!" - Elizabeth B.

"Ok so you lost. I sang with a Beatle!!!" - Elizabeth B.

"Repeat after me, 'Terry sang with Paul McCartney'..." - Julie Carwile.

"This is the creepiest way to send football plays... [Sigh] No one uses chalk boards any more." - Rhonda Roberts.

"Promise you'll be MVP. Promise you'll take me with you Disney World." - Will Vehrs.

"You're good, but you're no Terry Bradshaw." - Caleb Brown.

"You know, you should try witch hazel next time." - Elizabeth B.

"Oh, yeah? You got a dollar, yeah? I'll show you what you can get for a dollar! Mmmrfffphf." - V. Penrod.

"I don't think it is a zit.... It looks more like a fever blister - a.k.a., herpes." - Rags.

"Slip that hand down a little more, Kurt, and show me you're serious. " - Will Vehrs.

Terry Bradshaw practices his lines for his upcoming role in Young Frankenstein 2. - Brent Thurman.

"Finally! Cheerios fit for a polar bear! Oh Joy!" - Brent Thurman.

"I always wanted to have the 'Big O.'" - Will Vehrs.

Petey finds out Hollywood snow is different. Real different. - Mark Mills.

"Most of the skiers just fly past. Finally, one leaves an offering to the 'Polar Goddess, Me!'" - Julie Carwile.

"Willie is going to love this. Happy Valentine's Day to me!!!!" - Rags.

"Missing: One Toucan Sam, presumed eaten." - Alyx Parker.

"Mobil will never miss this!" - Will Vehrs.

He didn't care that the penguins mocked his business acumen. Kody knew his campaign for a Krispy Kreme franchise would change the Antarctic forever. - Krix.

"Where are the directions? My hemorrhoids are killing me!" - Joanne Jacobs.

"The 'Super-Size It' craze hits Arctic Mint Life Savers." - Will Vehrs.

The sad part? His wife had only left town for 3 days. - Mark Mills.

"Amazing! What will Coca-Cola think of next?!?" - Julie Carwile.

"Yes, ya does hafta call me 'Johnson.'" - Will Vehrs.

"Awesome...! Colored cock rings! Life doesn't get much better than this." - Rags.

GPBPS, the Global Polar Bear Positioning System has a long way to go before their new tracking device is ready for general use. - Mark Mills.

Suddenly, Benjamin found himself in a Gary Larson cartoon! - Bob Kutzenberger.

In a ploy to sell even more cards, Hallmark concocts an elaborate scheme to promote "Be a Booger Day. - Julie Carwile.

After much ado, the winner of the design-the-entrance-to-the-DeLorean-Museum contest was put on display today. - Jeffrey Harris.

Jason Green exits the Toledo Science Museum's new Braveheart exhibit. "It wasn't anything like the movie," he complained. - Will Vehrs.

The Jamie Farr exhibit at the Museum of Science and Natural History isn’t going over as well as expected. - Gary Quick.

Fred was not prepared for the incredible force of the fake sneezing in the Virtual Nose. - Julie Carwile.

It may just seem like a new McDonalds restaurant springs out of the ground, but by the year 2020 they really will, all thanks to genetic engineering and a growth minded corporate strategy. - Caleb Brown.

Snot-nosed kid escapes via secret nasal passageway. - Will Vehrs.

Now at MOMA: Nostrildamus, the new interactive piece that predicts the future. - Brent Thurman.

Tourist Mike raced out of the Virtual Nose so he could shimmy down the virtual chin in hopes of exploring a less than "virtual" female chest. - Julie Carwile.