The Post Office unveils its new fleet of delivery vehicles, paid for by the recently secured rate increase.
"As a starting point, I'll let each of you have this much electricity. Some campaign contributions could..., well, let's just say they could affect that figure."
German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder's recent actions have lent credence to widespread rumours that he has invested heavily in the Weekly World News.
Submitted Alternative:
"UN meetings are always more interesting when the Chernobyl delegate shows up...." - Jeffrey Harris.
"Defining deviancy down."
Submitted Alternative:
"While the entertainment at the Alzheimers' clinic was excellent, the violin-pot-pie left much to be desired." - Jeffrey D. Harris.
A holdover from the Clinton Administration staff is escorted off the premises after he is discovered to be still working in the White House.
As airport over-crowding worsens, more and more pilots are discovering that it's often faster to just drive from from one city to the next.
Submitted Alternative:
"Finally, for those of you who can't decide between road-rage and air-rage..." - Jeffrey D. Harris.
"...and then a big, scary monster named Inflation jumped on Sir Economy and held him down while a Troll named Unemployment kicked him in the gut."
